3AM

Part 1

As I'm standing here and you are looking at me. I know what you see.

You see this female. Who's average, maybe less. Slightly overweight, low self esteem and terrible posture.

If you were to see me out you would not sit next to me.

Now I've been 'complimented' sure. A few times. Now to say that is ungrateful because the fact I have been complimented means something.

Something.

What it means to you and what it means to me are certainly not the same thing.

I get attention from men. I was cursed with a bust size that is nearly impossible to fit into a bra and an ass that's nearly impossible to fit into jeans.

I am something the guys want to fuck. But that's not a compliment to me.

It simply is confusing.

I want so badly the approval from a man. But I do not want this attention!

I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you briefly on the check without having to hide in a corner without you fearing someone sees you with

Me

What's so wrong with me?

Why can't I be seen with you? Why won't you love me? Love me love me love me... love me. It's a tic in my head.

love me love me love me

I do not know what it means.

love me love me love me

I do know I am supposed to feel this way... but am I? I wish love in a compulsive way. I can not have you say the word just to continue to leave at three am.

Before I wake up and realise how fucked I am

Before I can get attatched

Before I can question what we are

Because that makes you okay

No worries you were just a one night stand... who I probably can't be believed when I say that. It's not to be said aloud for you do not love me you do not know me. You got your satisfaction and you left as quick as you came.

That's what I'm for .

Not to be shown off, I'm not cute.

Just for you to fuck once then tossed aside.

It's okay your secrets safe.

No one would believe me if I said the truth anyways.