Run Ins //S.M Fanfic

Hardly A Life Worth Living - Chapter 1

just a bit of backstory guys

TRIGGER; small mentions of suicide and physical as well as substance abuse. swearing.

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trust me when i say that my life was hardly one worth living. it was boring. unexciting. ordinary. average.

i didn't want my life to be 'just average' though. i had tried so many times to do things outside of the box. defy society's images and refuse to conform to what other people wanted of me. it backfired.

i wasn't like everyone else. i was always told that if God had've wanted two of one person he would've made a duplicate, so why bother trying to be someone else when God made you perfect. except everyone seemed to believe otherwise.

i was eleven when i first changed myself. i cut my hair. really short. i had a pixie haircut with a swoopy side fringe that always fell in front of my face. i had bleached my hair before i dyed it it a more natural blonde colour. i also coloured apart of my fringe a bright green colour. everyone seemed to hate it. except for me. i loved it.

i grew up in a great family. but that was flipped upside down very quickly.

my dad died when i was fourteen. he had suffered from severe depression and had been suicidal for decades. he finally caved one June afternoon, blowing his brains out with one of the shotguns we owned.

my mum soon became an alcoholic and a drug addict. the abused the fuck out of any drug she could get her scrawny little fingers on. she neglected me. verbally and physically abused me. she threatened me with a knife one day, holding the blade to my stomach, slowly inching it into my skin. i still have the scar to remind me.

my neighbours heard me scream one day. they came rushing over. my eye was bruised and swollen shut. my nose bleed and my lip was busted on the right side. i was crawled up in a ball, some sort of pathetic attempt to protect myself from my mothers flying fists. they called docs and i was soon after taken to a foster home.

i was treated well. i had foster siblings who i cared for so much. they cared for me. i felt like i belonged somewhere. finally. i had nobody judging my every move. i wasn't scared of my own family. i wanted to be at home. i had a life worth living. for a little while anyway.

at 18 i was released from my foster home. i found a small apartment i could rent. i went out into the big scary world and found myself a decently paying job.

at 19, i started university. i'm studying primary school teacher and art literature. i dabbled in the art of boys and had one serious boyfriend. in our third month of dating he started to become abusive and extremely possessive over me. he use me to put out his cigarettes, or as a punching bag to take his anger out on.

at 20, i'm slipping into a deep depression. i'm fleeing the city. to find a life worth living.