The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

13: Do we actually resemble our parents that much?

Scarf

[Me, age 17]

Me: Hey dad, how come I haven't seen you wearing that scarf I got you for Christmas lately?

Mr. Ordinary: Oh um, I lost it...

Me: ...You lost it? [Upset] How? When?

Mr. Ordinary: Well uh a couple weeks ago?...I'm sorry. I think I must've misplaced it at work...

Me: I can't believe you, dad!

[For about a week I gave my dad the cold shoulder.]

Still: Are you seriously still mad at dad? It was one scarf, Very. Chill.

Me: Yeah but I bought both mom and dad's Christmas gifts with my first pay cheque ever. [Sighing] I didn't tell them this but the stuff I got them was pretty expensive since they were brand name products and it took me a really long time to pick them out.

Still: Why didn't you just tell dad that?

Me: Because I knew mom and dad wouldn't accept it if they knew! I was trying to be considerate! But it's not just the money you know? If someone gives you a gift you should treasure it shouldn't you?

Still: See? This is why I'm not considerate. Considerate people lose out.

Mrs. Ordinary [who had been eavesdropping]: Okay, I can't hold it in anymore!

Me: Mom?

Mrs. Ordinary: Okay, I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, but your dad didn't lose the scarf, he gave it away!

Me: What?

Mrs. Ordinary: On his way home last week he saw a homeless man without a winter jacket so he gave him his own coat and the winter accessories he had on, this included the scarf you gave him. I found out by chance but anyways, he didn't mean to hurt your feelings so don't be mad at him okay?

[Later]

Me: Dad, I got you something [Holding out a wrapped package]

Mr. Ordinary [a little shocked that I'm finally talking to him]: What is it, honey?

Me: Open it and you'll see.

[He opens the package to reveal a sloppily knitted scarf]

Me: It's a replacement for the one you lost. It's still pretty cold outside so I figured you'd need one. It's not that nice since it's something I knitted it myself but it should still be pretty warm.

Mr. Ordinary [in a slightly choked voice]: Thanks, Very. [Wrapping it around his neck] it's lovely. I promise I won't lose this one.

Me: Mn.

It turned out that being considerate was something I inherited from my dad.

Recital

When Still was little my mom enrolled her in a ballet class that she attended twice a week. On one occasion, I accompanied my mom to watch one of their recitals.

Mrs. Ordinary [whispering loudly during the performance]: Ugh just look at her acting all smug.

Me: Who? Still?

Mrs. Ordinary: No, Mrs. Pretense! She's acting all proud because her daughter got a lead part this time around. She must've bribed the instructor...

Me: I don't think anyone would go that far, mom...

[Two minutes later]

Mrs. Ordinary [tapping my shoulder]: Look, Very!

Me: What?

Mrs. Ordinary: Look at the way her smile reaches alllllll the way up to her ears just because her daughter showed up on stage!

[Five minutes later]

Mrs. Ordinary [shaking my hand]: There she goes again, Very!

Me: ...

Mrs. Ordinary: Laughing with her hand over the mouth. Like she's all posh. Does she think she's royalty or something?

[Ten minutes later]

Mrs. Ordinary [slapping my thigh]: V-

Me: What is it, mom? What evil thing is Mrs. Pretense doing that you don't like now?

Mrs. Ordinary: Breathing!

From this experience I learned four things. First, once you begin to hate someone, everything he or she does will annoy you. Second, Still's rudeness may also be an inherited trait. Third, Still isn't a very good dancer. Lastly, never go to a recital with my mother.