One day he was here, the next I get a phone call saying he didn't make it, I'm so sorry for your lose. I shown no emotion because if I was to cry I would never stop. It's almost been a year and I still remind my self about his death, how I wasn't even there to say good bye to him, or how he died in missery all alone. Just writing this is hard because I've never told anyone. " It's not your fault" Every time they say that it brings me back to that day where she called me. I drown myself in music and my studies but he never leaves my mind.
It's been almost a year since he has passed, I still feel so guilty that I wasn't there to say how much he ment to me, I just want to go back in time and hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay. But everything is not okay, he's gone and he's never coming back. On rainy days I find myself looking up to the sky to see if I can find a dark cloud that looks like him. But all I found was darkness and rain. I remind myslef every day that I can't go to him with anything because he's not here to help me, I can;t see him anymore. People always say " he's in a better place or he's watching over you" But the thing is, is that both of those are true, I just want to be able to see him one last time and let him know.. That just because I wasn;t there doesn't mean that I didn't love him. I still love him with all my heart. Nothing will ever come inbetween us. EVER!
Sorry about this, I just wanted to write and let people know that feelings do matter. Thank you!
