as far as the sky..

-1-

As far as the sky ..
Above the top of a high mountain
You can not get off
I can not climb.

This is what I decided to write on that rock which is considered as a memorial only, and all I have ..

More than a hundred years ago!
Or maybe I think that, but it was the truth ..

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I grabbed another stone and threw it along my hand towards the small lake of water. This is where I needed psychological comfort, minutes of silence, or even a small time to think and organize my confused feelings.

She always insists that I am the reason for all of this , but she know that the opposite is true, or maybe this is what I know or what I know very little about making a difficult decision?
My decision is coming, there is only one day for the New Year, and this is not at all happy, at least for me.

She thinks I'm going to fall in love with her as she is doing now, or maybe pretend to ask me to stay with me, so I do not know what her interest is.

I mean maybe it would be good to stay with someone you love forever if you like, but that's the opposite of what I'm thinking.

It is difficult, very difficult and difficult to understand.

I am not as natural as I think, different from the rest of the people, although the rest of the people wish what I have. At the beginning of each new year I will have only one wish and will end by the end of the following year, but I was out of my mind for more than five years ..

"I want to stop all of this nonsense, I do not want anything, I'm not a natural person now, it was not my fault"
This is what I said, hoping to end of this absurdity, but it did not end, and as I know it will end with the beginning of this year, so this decision is very difficult.

It will be the last one , and I still feel happy, sadness, anger, tension and fear of the next.
I have been thinking about the wish of the year from the first day .
That's what I've done now but I did not get the right choice.

"Where have you been?" she asked after she saw me entered the house.
I set down on the couch and stay silent and fear about the right choice.

"You know tomorrow is the beginning of the New Year?"

I nodded slowly and tried to escape from her next question.
"And what have you decided?"

"Nothing yet" I lied, I had a wish that would save me from everything I did.

"And what if this was the last year as you'r expected?"

"Will be so"

"I did not like this"

"I did not like anything before"

"So why did you bring me here, as a girl hanging by a young man to her presence beside him always, this was your wish to have a girl who loves you a great love and sincere, caring for you without boredom, what about you? , I tried all the ways but did not benefit, just pretend to love, can not you? "

" it's not like that ?" I answered .

"It is so, do not you notice yourself, always miss your wish, it is not a wish to achieve your happiness, I understand this"

" I know ,I know "

"I do not know anything, but you know and want to prove the contrary to yourself, it is punishment, punishment of your sins"

"It was not my fault," I shouted loudly, echoing all over the house in horror.

"Who then? you blame your family now, it's enough that they died and you remained with an easy curse, you could have used it right from the start."

"I could only do everything I wanted but not to bring them back to life"

"But you did not try." she whispered softly.

"I will not do"

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm still confused"

"If you do not want to think about your parents think about me"

"I swear to you that I have tried so hard to make you happy and to strike myself between your nets but this has not happened, and it is not supposed to happen"

"So, is that what you want to wish?" she asked happily 'cause she was afraid to say the opposite, but I would not.

" I do not know "

"You do not want that, and you do not want to say anything about it  " she said weakly, as if she would cry, but she cried.

" I did not mean that .."

"Of course, I know this, you always did not mean what you did including  your wish that let me be in you'r life "

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the end of part 1 .
part 2 tomorrow.