My Hands Hold My Story (Rough Draft)

Chapter Eleven

By Wednesday, I was on the verge of exhaustion. I couldn't remember a week when I'd worked harder. I'd done all the wash alone on Monday and then on Tuesday, I had faced the ironing alone. Cordelia and Anna were involved in some sewing project they had begun.

My temper had reached its limit, and when my stepmother ordered me to start the mending, I was done. They already had their fabric laid out on the table, evidence that they were continuing the dress they were putting together.

"No." I didn't care if my pitch or tone of voice were grating when I spoke. She couldn't pretend she didn't understand me.

"I didn't ask, Ivy," she said, her eyes narrowing. "I will tell—"

"My father?" I signed and mouthed at the same time. "Go ahead. In case you didn't know, slavery was abolished years ago." Then, to make sure she completely understood me, I said, "I am not your slave."

All color drained out of Cordelia's face and she took a step back. "How dare you!"

I wasn't sure which of my words had offended her so much, unless it was my continued refusal to do as she said, but I did not back down. I was more than happy to do my share but she had no right to put every hard task on me.

Her lips trembled and then she spun away. She ran into the bedroom and closed the door. The next thing I knew, Anna was in my face. "Why did you say that?" she asked, her blue eyes sparking with anger.

Words cannot describe just how much I did not like having people invade my personal space. Annoyed, I lifted my hands and pushed her back. "Why not? It was the truth!" I signed, not bothering with mouthing the words. I was in a petty frame of mind and I was tired of always bending to their wishes.

"Stop! No one...to see you...your hands!" Anna said, flailing her hands in mockery of my signing. I had the feeling I'd missed several crucial words in her sentence. "No one cares."

Finally, someone had said it. "Do you think I don't know that?" I asked, moving my hands in sharp, blunt movements. Again, I made the deliberate decision not to mouth the words. "You and your mother have made that as clear as crystal but I'm not going anywhere."

Anna turned her head and she suddenly had a smile on her face. I followed her gaze and saw the children in the doorway. Susan had Sam in her arms and Katie was just behind her. They looked worried. "Where's Ma?" Susan asked

Even I knew better than to argue in front of them. I turned my back on Anna and went to the mending pile. While I wasn't going to do it all myself, I wouldn't completely neglect the task either.

As I threw myself into the task, my anger leached away, leaving me even more tired than before. It wasn't fair that I had to fight to be treated like everyone else and I always had the same question at the back of my mind: would things be different if I weren't deaf?

Would Father have told his new wife he had a daughter in the east? Or would I have come west when he and Simon did? Would Cordelia be more accepting of me if she'd known about me before I arrived?

There were so many different ways, different choices in life. I couldn't help but think one of them would have been better.

¤¤¤¤

Cordelia, for some unknown reason, did not tell Father about my insubordination. At least, he didn't chide me for being disrespectful that or any other night. I decided to be glad about it and not let it bother me.

My stepsister, on the other hand, made it clear she was angry with me. Whenever we made eye contact, she would glare and then turn her back on me. What had I said that had so offended her?