Monday Night Blues

It was late on a Monday night, the hours were slipping away, as Jeremy continued to blow smoke in his garage. He was part of a counterintuitive struggle that befalls many people, the idea that the senses must be numbed in hopes of keeping ourselves from staring down the barrel of reality. He felt anxious, nervous, and unfulfilled. It was time for him to reach out to the world again, in hopes of a little friendship.

He arranged to meet up with an old friend, Katie, they hadn't seen each other in a while, and Jeremy had always found Katie attractive. Jeremy brushed his teeth, grabbed a bag of weed, his cigarettes, and headed down south towards Katie. She was a beautiful blonde with a large pair of tits, and a big ass, although no one ever called her a forward thinker, but the same has never been said for Jeremy as well.
As he pulled up to her house he sent her a text saying, "I'm here".
Katie responded by opening the front door and waving him around back. Jeremy stepped out of the car, lit a cigarette, and headed towards the backyard. Katie was already there.
"Hey, long time no see!" Jeremy said as he greeted her.
She replied with, "I know! It's been forever."
"Since that Black Sabbath concert, right?"
He asked, trying to play it cool, they had seen each other a couple times after that, but that was the last time they hooked up. Jeremy figured he was laying subtle groundwork. Besides, coming out and actually being forward with his feelings was not something Jeremy exceled in, he was more of an introvert, who was always cautious about taking risks.
"Actually I think it was when we went to that club downtown, with Steve and Natalie."
She said, correcting him very confidently.
"Oh wait, I remember that! It was before I cut off all my hair and that one guy was sharing his cocaine, but wanted to touch my hair for some reason, haha."
"Because it was soft!!!" She blurted back.
"Hahaha, oh yeah," He laughed and sighed.
"Good times."
"Good times indeed."
They both laughed, and Katie produced a bong, which they proceeded to take hits from. Jeremy thought it was nice to be in some familiar company, laughing and telling stories. He had missed this social aspect from his life, since leaving high school it seemed like the old gang never met up anymore, and it left him feeling isolated.
The smoking continued for another half hour or so, before Katie suggested that they play some classic Nintendo 64, she was raving about how she had recently come across a copy of the original Mario party. Jeremy was a fan of classic video games, but honestly he was just excited to be invited into the house, as all he could really think with was his dick. It was the curse of being a young man in an oversexed society, and any man who doesn't have that problem should be revered as some sort of mental wizard.
They started up the game, sitting on the edge of Katie's bed together, she took off her bra to get more comfortable, and Jeremy froze. He was enticed by the possibility of that being a signal but really was unsure if it was just out of comfort, he had never worn a bra. So he slid an inch closer to her and kept playing, while looking down to see if she had made any sort of reciprocating movements towards him, or if she was just relying on him to make the first real move. Sitting at the edge of a bed with an attractive women--especially if you have a hard on-- is one of the most difficult things to do, that is if you haven't recently had sex or been physically intimate within the last week or so. It really was a game of chess Jeremy had stumbled into, and he was running out of mental fortitude.
The game went on for another half hour before any real moves were made, just the casual moving of pawns into a stalemate for the middle of the board. Jeremy checked his phone to see what sort of time he had left, it was nearly ten, and he was beginning to lose all nerve. The possibility of a hail-mary make out session was really all he had left in his ever so small bag of moves.
He decided he had better go for it, and as he began to really take in her beauty, her raw sexuality, her natural curves, the way her hair lead all the way down to her soft breasts. It was something a man could really just ponder out in the middle of a field, while he appeared to bask in the sunlight, he was really basking in her image.
He went for it by leaning in towards her, grabbing her head right behind her ear while placing his other hand on her thigh, but he kept his eyes half open to see if he could gauge whether or not she was reciprocating. She wasn't, she was wide eyed and surprised. Katie moved back, and slide off the bed towards the open side, and said,
"What are you doing?"
Those words cut Jeremy deep, what a fool he was, what an insignificant sexless bastard he was, he felt like a little boy being told no by a grown up, he felt unattractive. Women that aren't incredibly drunk never seemed to like him anyways, it was actually a wonder he was surprised again by the same old situation. However, he just wished things could be different for once, but was weary of trying.
"I'm sorry, I misread the situation, I thought maybe, there were signals."
She sighed, and looked Jeremy in the eyes--he had stood up as well, surprised by her reaction--and said,
"I honestly don't think of you as anything more than a friend, I think you're great, but I don't think of you like that."
"Oh, well then I better go." Jeremy put his metaphorical hat in his hands and headed for the door. It was an all too familiar feeling. He didn't even turn back, he just put on his shoes, and got into his car. That was it, another avenue explored and another opportunity misinterpreted. He lit a cigarette, and thought about going to work tomorrow, it made him feel ill to his stomach. He put his cigarette into his right hand, opened the door with his left, and vomited three or four times. Closed the door, took a deep inhale, and started the car.
Speeding home down the highway, late for bed, and queasy as a love sick teenager he couldn't help but think that at least it would be an experience even if it didn't beat staying home and smoking weed by himself. He needed experiences he thought, just like this one, mediocre ones, because eventually there were bound to be some spectacular ones. He began to wonder about women of the night, and whether or not they'd be able to give his confidence a boost, or whether he'd be better off investing in a large vehicle. There had to be a way to get a foot in the door with women, at least without being a perfect specimen of the male physique, or having your life figured out. A mediocre woman looking for a perfectly mediocre time was really what he wanted, someone who understood that he wasn't a superhero or romance icon, but rather just a simple man looking to have a simple time.
He thought there would never be a woman who wanted things to be fine, that fine was just a death sentence, he thought about the way he was being worn out by life, the fact that he was no longer as youthful as he one was at eighteen. He thought about how he would feel in another five years. He thought until he pulled up in the drive way, put the car in park, and went to sleep in his grandparent's basement. There was nothing spectacular about Jeremy, he was no heavyweight contender when it came to enduring life, in fact he was quite fickle, and would throw up the next morning until he had to call in sick for work. Jeremy didn't have it figured out and it was an inadequate feeling that left him taking sleeping pills and numbing himself until another woman returns his messages.