"I don't know what to do. I have never felt like this before. Yes, I had crushes before, this this time it feels different. Usually when I am around a guy that I like I am very awkward, not with him though. I actually spoke to him without messing up" I said to my friend Katie
"Grace, you are an awsome girl. He will be stupid not to like you back. Come on, who wouldn't want to date you?" she replied back to me
"The question is, who WOULD date me? I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years and my ex was a complete idiot back then" I said back
"Don't get me started Grace, just because you don't have a boyfriend it doesnt mean that there is something wrong with you" she replied with annoyance clear in her voice. We had this conversation way to many times. This is why sometimes she gets annoyed with my negativity
"Okay, I can smell annoyance in the air, so I will stop complaining about my love life" I say with laughter
*
The rest of the day has been pretty good. Me and Katie had fun by spending the entire day procastinating on tumblr.
In the evening Katie left home. This is the moment I feared the most. Being alone with my thoughts meant that I can't escape them anymore
As soon as I close my eyes I can see his face, his blue eyes and I remeber his perfect smile and laugh. These memories make me realise how much I miss him. I would do anything to be able to see his face again and to be able to talk to him.
This summer vacation I will never ever forget. I only got to spend two days with him, but those days were the best ones I have ever had.
Back when I was with him a three weeks ago, I wasn't sure whether I had feeling for him or not. I was suprised when I got along with him so easily as I am socially awkward when it comes to meeting new people. With him I felt so free and I felt like he wasn't going to judge me like I always thought people did.
Anyway Grace, time to sleep as it's past midnight and I need to get some sleep or I will hate myslef in the morning for the late night. I will most likely look like I zoombie tomorrow.
**
In the morning I felt so down and low, but I have no idea why. Maybe I just miss Harry and his presence. I really need to get my mind off him before I emotionally drain myslef completely.
Now the memories from the vacation flash across my eyes, the time when we were at the beach party and we watched the sun set, then the party started with people singing and dancing by the camp fire.
These memories are taking over me and I can't stop smiling like an idiot to myself. When I glance at the clock its alread eight in the morning and this means I have half an hour to get ready before I go to college.
This is my last year and then I am going to University. Just the thought of uni makes me feel nervous and sick. I really hope I get the grades that I need in order to get into the university that I want to go.
Oh, come on Grace, you need to start getting ready before you are very late on your first day. Even putting my make-up on reminds me of him and how I gave him a make over. I put lots of makeup on his face and dressed him up in a nice little black dress that looked suprisingly good on him.
My mind has raked over by him and I don't even think about the facy that I have been on my first 'on-my-own-holiday' with my friends Laura and Jade. They were really excited and they also found a guy each to spend the holiday with. However, they were more lucky than me because those guys live closely to London while Harry lives in Wales. He is not Welish though, his mother got re-married and he moved to Wales with her.
Now that I have the makeup done I look socially acceptable and I can start walking to college. I don't live far away from it, so I can just have a nice walk when its not raining.
I hope that this day goes well. As I walk in the college I can see first years looking all excited and nervous at the same time. This made me think about my first day and year and how I hoped to find my love of my life here or at least have one of those cute college romances that we all see in movies.
Once I have picked up my new time table for this year I have started heading to my first psychology lesson of this year. Part of me wishes Harry was here as he does psychology too.
When I walk in the classroom I see Catherine from last year and I sat on the same group as her. The seat next to me was empty and part of me has felt happy about that because I have a table to myself, which means that I get lots of space and freedom
**
The rest of the have has been pretty much full of teachers telling us about their expectation of us and what they want to achieve at the end of the year.
Today has been the first day and I have already been set a lot of homework to do. While I am walking home my mind has synced into a Harry-flashback-memories and I decided to make my walk longer than usual as I didn't want to go home yet.
It's a shame that I don't know any details about him and I can't contact him. He exists only in my memory now
