Hey,
I wish this is something you can actually read. But for now this will make me feel like my head isn't pounding. Maybe that's something I can help you with. I say to my friends and family that I won't change for anyone but myself. So I'm writing this so you can change for the better I guess. We love to easily. So easy, it hurts. I want you to really look at the people around. The people who you call friends. I know that making friends is hard for you, but I promise you it's actually a lot easier then the movies make it seem. I realize now, that I was a girl out of the movies. Or I tried to be. I bought people gifts regularly cause I thought that's what friends do right? I would dress with the same type of clothes other people wear. I wouldn't be able to leave someone's side at anytime ( trust me, alone time is better). It was probably cause I would always follow "friends" around. Now I just regret it.
The reason I ask you to look around at the friends you made is because, I want you to really listen to the words they say. And see if these are the people you want to hang around. Mostly beautiful by grade 5 I was the classic nice girl. I would give anyone anything. Please. It's ok to say no. Don't make big deals out of tiny things.
One thing to remember. Don't think that people will remember everything you do. They don't. And neither do you. There aren't cameras on you at all times.
The "friends" who say they will help you though anything, have a 95% chance of not actually doing it. So support yourself for the most part. Until you really find those people who will.
Figure out what interests you and not other people. If I started earlier I probably would have had a pretty good idea by now but I don't have motivation anymore.
I'm sorry, I can't help saying those words. But you probably can. It's ok to be rude sometimes. Not everyone can put on a genuine smile everyday. Put on the fake one every once in a while.
People do love you. Don't take this message the wrong way it's not that you will always be alone for the rest of your life or that you can't trust anyone. It's that you should really believe they would listen to you. If you handed some of your friend 20$ and said hold on to this for me for a bit, who do you think if given the chance would spend it?
All I really want to tell you. Is stop being so fake. I'm 15 years old and trying to fix all the things I've done to myself is so so so hard. I can hardly keep up with my thoughts and there so much going on that I can't keep up with. I wish I was who I was really supposed to be and not what I thought people were.
I wish, to you, that you have time to fix anything you feel isn't YOU. Please for my sake.
