Let Go

Chapter 8

Chapter 8~

Faint mumbles fill my ears. They're coming from outside of my door. I know it's Asher and Matt.

I stare blankly at the ceiling. Beams of sunlight filter through the windows. The blinds are shut.

Flashes of last night haunt my mind.

My cheeks are damp with old tears. Jett still hasn't come home. Neither have my parents. I hear the front door open and close. Matt and Asher shuffle around the loft, trying to see who it is.

The front door should've been locked, but I can't care about that right now, even if I wanted to.

Asher and Matt think I'm asleep, but I've been awake ever since Asher got up when Matt got here, which was about eight.

"What are you doing here?" Matt's voice asks. His tone on edge. Then it gets quiet.

"I asked you a question." Matt growls. My eyebrows furrow together.

"I-" A familiar voice chokes out. My insides writhe inside of me. Tears want to come, but there's no tears left.

"Go home." Asher says firmly.

"I can't." Luke whispers.

"Go." Asher says a little louder.

"I-I have to see her. I can't think, okay? I know what I did was wrong. I know I was being stupid. Okay? I can't get her out of my head. I can't do anything without thinking about her. I need to touch her. I need to have her in my arms, but even if I can't do any of that, I need to see her." He spills out. His voice wavers, as if he's going to cry.

"She's asleep now anyways." Matt says.

"Perfect. She won't even know I've been here. It won't cause her anymore pain. Listen, I don't want to hurt her, okay? I just want to see her. If I don't, I think I'll go crazy." His voice breaks at the end, and I can imagine him trying to keep his voice steady. I can imagine his blue eyes welling up with tears.

My heart jolts in my chest. I don't want him to be in pain. I want to see him smile again. I don't want to hear him be sad anymore. I want him to be happy. I want to hug him and I want to be with him and I want to kiss him. I want to hang out with him and I want to tease him and I want him to tease me. I want to put this all behind us, but I can't. I can't. I can't let him know what he did was okay, but I can't stand to see him so broken, let alone hear him so broken.

"I think you should leave." Matt says quietly. I think my insides are being clawed and ripped. I think someone is ripping out my heart and breaking it into boundless pieces.

"Please." Luke whispers.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Matt says.

"Let him in." Asher says quietly. The loft goes silent.

"What?" Matt asks.

"Let him in. It'll get him out of here, and she's asleep anyways." He says with finality. It goes silent as my door opens and shuts. I don't try to hide that I'm not asleep. What would be the point? I don't look at him, I just keep my gaze on the ceiling.

He stops at the door. My heart feels like it's going to fly out of my chest. My insides are spasming. I feel like the breath has been knocked out of me, but he hasn't even taken a step towards me. I feel like I'm going to suffocate.

He takes one step towards the bed.

"I can leave if you want," there's a short pause, "I didn't know you were awake."

My sight stays on the ceiling. I can't say anything. My mind is fuzzy and I can't think straight.

You could cut the tension with a knife.

He takes a few more steps towards the bed. It takes all I can not to look at him right now. I don't want to see him sad.

"Abby-" Small tears form in my eyes, but I force myself to keep them back. I close my eyes, and make myself sit up, hugging my knees to my chest. When I open my eyes I stare at the foot of my bed.

"I need you to talk to me." His voice shakes. I feel like throwing up. I can't handle this.

"Abby, I'm going insane without you." He says, just above a whisper. Tears burn my eyes and I have to keep them shut. The foot of my bed sinks down when Luke sits on it.

"Abby- I need you." A small pause, "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I did this to you. I was just overreacting. I saw Matt kiss you and I just thought that- that maybe you were just using me to get to my brothers. It's happened before, and it hurts, and so when I saw that, I just- I just lost it. Abby, you're the only girl I've ever really, really liked." He finishes. A few tears slide down my cheeks, even though I tried my hardest not to let it happen.

"You're the only girl I've ever loved." He says, barely audible.

I open my eyes and look at him. He sucks in a small breath. His eyes are red around the edges, and slightly puffy. There's a sadness in his eyes. One that's difficult to look at. It's the sadness that digs deep inside you.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. He slides a little closer to me. He reaches out a hand to me and lays it on my own. My whole body tenses up, and he notices this. He casts his gaze down and starts to move his hand. Before I know what I'm doing I reach my hand out and grab his.

I mentally scold myself, but I don't regret it. An all too familiar warmth spreads through my body. A sad smile makes its way to Luke's face.

"Abby, even if you don't forgive me, I need you to know that I'm sorry, and I'll spend everyday of the rest of my life making it up to you." I slide my hand away from his and return it to its original spot. I don't want Luke to be sad.

My door opens before I can say a word, and Matt sticks his head in. He sees me awake. He sees Luke sitting on my bed. Anger flashes in his eyes, and then disappears.

"I think it's time for you to go." Matt says sternly to Luke.

"I just want to talk to her for a few more minutes." Luke says quietly.

"She doesn't want to talk to you." He tells Luke.

"Matt." I say quietly.

"You don't know that." Luke snaps at him.

"I think I know more than you." He counters.

"Matt." I say a little louder.

"Just give me a few more minutes." Luke says.

"Just leave, man." Matt says, his voice sounding angrier.

"Matt." I say even louder.

"Calm down, Matt." Luke says.

"Just leave." He says loudly.

"Matt!" I yell. Both the guy's heads snap in my direction. Matt's eyes are wide, and his mouth is slightly agape.

"Leave us alone." I tell him, not looking at him. He lingers for a second before closing the door. I stare at the space of bed just in front of my feet.

"I forgive you." I practically whisper. He looks at me in surprise.

"You do?"

I nod my head slowly. I know he was drunk, and I know he didn't mean it. I was going to forgive him eventually, and I knew it. A smile spreads across his face. He leans over to hug me, yet my body still stiffens under his touch. He pulls away.

"We can't start back where we left off," I say, "but we can start as friends."

"Friends is good." He says, like he's trying to convince himself, "Friends is better than before." He runs a hand through his hair.

I guess you could say I was never really mad at Luke. I was just scared of Luke. Scared of what he had become after a few drinks. Scared of what he almost did to me.

I was only really mad at one person. The person who caused all this. I was mad at Matt, and it would take me awhile to forgive him.