Once More, With Squealing: A Buffy Fanfic

The Big Climax

Everybody was standing in silence, each coming to terms with what had happened. Finally, tentatively, Dawn began to sing:

This is the end, oh dear

"This is the end, oh dear," Spike and Buffy echoed.

"We're battleworn, our relations torn," Giles started, and then Tara joined him:

So we shed a misty tear

This is the end, oh dear

Xander and Anya continued the song, now realizing that they were somewhat underdressed:

Why are we in this gear?

Why is it oh so sheer?

Then the voices of the whole group came together:

Our best bet is we just forget

Wish these days could disappear

Clearly, this is the end, oh dear

At this point, the beat quickened and everyone started moving in synchronisation as they worked toward the big finish.

"Hope some relief is near," they all sang, apart from Willow who replaced 'relief' with just 'Lethe' and singing with mumbling, so that Tara wouldn't get even more upset with her.

As Spike raised his right hand to mime 'relief' in time with the others, he looked down at a new huge bulge in his coat, noticing something else was also rising.

"Bigger! Yessss!" he said, pumping his fist, and headed out into the night, figuring there was little point in sticking around, now that sweetness and innocence would no doubt flood in to fill the lusty void filled by the demon.

Buffy chased out after him, while the others, having already had to pump their fists along with Spike to maintain choreography, now decided to continue without the two of them. However, socks then started exploding out of Giles' posing pouch like snakes out of a jar, so they decided it was probably best to start afresh from the verse beginning:

Hope some relief is near

Hope that dysfunctions clear

The story ends on a kiss, my friends

To good standards we'll adhere

This is the end, oh dear

Outside The Bronze, Spike could faintly hear the music coming from inside as he headed down the alley. He stopped in his tracks as he heard Buffy's voice.

"Hey," she shouted.

He turned. "You should go back in. Finish the big group sing, get your -... Oh wait, you already did that."

"What if I want to be with you?" she asked.

"You only want me for my body. I'm just a piece of meat to you," Spike said. "If this spell taught me anything, it was that."

"Maybe I was attracted to you because of your soul," Buffy argued.

"No need for sarcasm. Guess I can put up with your carnal demands," Spike said, unfastening his coat.

What? Now who was treating who like a piece of meat? Did he expect to just have sex with her here in the alley? Did she look like a whore? "I don't want to, not like this," said Buffy, suddenly being reminded that Spike was no angel (and no Angel).

"Day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade passes by that you won't let it rain on."

"Spike, I…" began Buffy.

"Look, you don't have to say anything."

But Buffy had so much to say. She didn't want to lose him, the way she'd almost just lost Dawn, because of the crazy way that spell had made her act. She opened her mouth to speak and found herself singing:

I touch your spire and it pleases me

I really hope that it's bounced back

Spike wanted to say everything to her that he always wanted to say to her, but he was always too busy talking to say it. He remembered how he'd felt when she died, and suddenly he too was singing:

I cried when you had to go

And then they were singing over each other, moving closer. "Unleash your eel for I just want to squeal," she sang, as he sang, "But you can make me squeal."

And before they could finish whatever song they'd started together, their lips were locked in a passionate kiss as the music swelled behind them, and a loud final line of song could be heard:

This Is The End, Oh Dear!

"Bloody Hell, is that it? Just a kiss?" asked Spike. "I wanted it to end with a bang, not a whimper. I thought there was something between us."

"You mean that!?" said Buffy, with wide eyes, as she looked down at the bulge beneath Spike's coat. "Lord Pointy's a lot bigger than I remember. How do you do it, good sir?"

"Been hanging weights from it for a hundred years," he confessed, as they moved closer once again.

Their eyes met and they knew there was no more time for words. "Grrrrr" they growled in unison as she leaped onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist, while the vampire rammed his stake into her. It was followed so much later by a shared "Aaaahhh".

And then they did it once more, with squealing.

The End