Mark's POV, OneShot, Song Lost-BTS
I'm still standing here with my eyes closed
Lost between the deserts and oceans
I'm still wandering
Where should I go yeah
My mornings always been the same lately. I'm make the lets plays with out much effort now. Just skating by, after all I have everything that I need now, I really don't need to do anything else besides that. My videos are shorter now, they are edited more now, and I'm not have much fun with them anymore. I recall making this channel for the sake of having something to control in my life. When there was a point where everything was just going to shit. A time where I just wanted to have something where I could feel like I either, A. Made a difference or B. I Could just use it to run away from my problems for a moment.
It sounds selfish, I could be doing better than what I have been. I guess you can say I'm in a spot where nothing really matters one way or another. I gave myself a false sense of entitlement. A spot where I sat comfy not having to worry about much stuff. I looked at my phone and saw the time I rolled my eyes as I headed into the recording room. I Started my normal warm ups, what was the point of doing this again? I don't think I'm happy with what I'm doing much longer. It shows, Most of the comments are just pointing out how flawed I am. Don't kid me, I am up for any form of constructive criticism. Am I even liking who I have become?
I didn't know there were this many
Paths I cant go and paths I can't take
I never felt the way before
Am I becoming an adult?
Just Recently I was told that I been pushing all of my friends away. Is that True? I think so, after all lately people that I was once close too. Seems to push back further than before. Chica wasn't so happy to be around me as much. Maybe she knew that I manage to pull myself into a bad path. I really never meant for this. I never meant to feel like shit all the fucking time, as of late. All I want to do, is really pretty much nothing. I have very little want to do my best for the people who just cared for me. What the hell happened to me? Granted it hasn't been a great year. That isn't any excuse for what I am going.
As much as it will boost my ego, there are tons of people who look up to me! What I am doing, is it helping them to see the path they could get onto? A path where we all come together and help each other while still being able to be who we want to be. I just feel so lost, who am I? Who do I want to become. What would I do without those who supported me though out the years. My family and friends who stood behind me no matter what the crazy stuff I have...Or had plan to do. It's been so long since I just be me. Who is me? Who am I? Am I a dick? A voice? Who knows? I don't anymore.
This is too hard,
Is this path right for me?
I am confused
Never leave me alone
I moved gently petting Chica's head. She looked up at me, she still had this goofy look on her face. I wish I knew what I was doing, my good pupper. She's such a good girl, I'm sorry sweetie, I guess you can say I been a bad Doggo Dad to you. I want to be the man my Chica would be proud of, not only for her but for me as well. Chica licked my hand as I had started to pull it back. In order for me to get better, to make myself a better person. I need to start to think of the stuff I could do. I want to start doing good things. I have nothing to prove to anybody but myself. Change starts when you want to become a better person.
Many people seem to think I'm still trapped in my own head with bad thoughts. In truth, we all have moments of where we lose the light. You can't give up. You can't give in, there's always something out in the world that you have to look forward too. Whether its going to school, or looking for the group that accepts you for who you are. There is something out there for everyone, I just needed to remind myself that. Life tends to be funny that way. Sometimes it likes to run up to you and kick you right in the balls. Grab you by the shoulders and shake you madly.
