I called my supervisor at work. I apologized to her for being late and explained the police wanted to have their interviews with us. I let her know I was dropping Brad off and will be right in.
She seemed accepting and understanding. It was nice.
I was still worried about how I would be. I was anxious and excited to see Heather. I wanted to hug her and talk to her. Tell her I love her.
"Slow down." Brad said.
I looked at my speedometer. "Shit. Sorry." I said. I was going 120 in an 80 zone.
"We just left the police station. Do you really want to get stopped?"
"Shut up. I said sorry. I'm just anxious."
"About what? We're done. Now they have to talk to the kids and they'll see this is all a fuck up on their part." Brad waved his hand toward the windshield.
"No. I'm anxious cuz Heather's supposed to be in school today. Three's program remember? Nicole said that she is to continue school."
"Oh, that's right. Right on. That's awesome for you. I hope she makes it. She'd be missing you lots."
I nodded. "I don't know. Knowing Deborah, she won't send her."
"Why wouldn't she send her?"
"Because she's going to try to tell her shit about you. Talk shit about me. Keep her from me to make a statement to me. Hurt me. All aside from the fact that she'd be too lazy to deal with preschool."
"But Heather lives her school! Would she really do that?"
"Of course she would. She's a bitch that way. All she wants to do is prove a point. She said for years that I would lose the kids because I'm a terrible mother. She said for years that she would take them and raise them as her own. And now she has them because the fucking ministry doesn't know how to look at the whole picture. All Nicole sees is her friend and a native woman with too many kids to raise."
"Yeah you said that." Brad sighed. He looked out the window.
"I know. I'm sorry. I keep repeating myself. I hate that. But it's the only thing that allows me to actually think of ideas and game plans to get my kids home."
Brad nodded."well you're not a terrible mother. You're a good mother. I don't know any other Indian, especially one who lives ON reserve, be as good a mother as you are. You pay attention to the kids. You tend to them. You do everything you can to ensure they have a better life than you. Even if it means you have to beg and borrow." He shook his head. "You need to hear that."
I didn't respond. I didn't even nod. I pulled onto Feather Stone and drove down toward our house.
"So what's happening today? Do you really have to work? Maybe you should stay home." Brad suggested.
I shook my head. "Ruby says I have to go back to work."
"So what? You're too emotional. You should take a few more days."
I shook my head again. "I called Ruby cuz she was educated and trained and worked as a social worker. She says they need to see that I can still be functional to help get my kids home."
Brad shook his head. "That's stupid! You should be able to take the time you need so you're not dysfunctional around other people's kids."
"But that's just it isn't it? If I'm dysfunctional around others' kids then I'm not fit to parent because that makes me dysfunctional at home. And if I need more time or I not go to work then that says that I am unable to function...."
