Divergent "I Still Love You" (Fanfiction)

To Think Is To Be

Christa

We all clutch a large black gun,

That straps along our backs.

My fingers move side to side along the

cool metal.

My mother had always hated weaponry. I had thought it was because of her Abnegation, but I was wrong.

I imagine my father,

Tall and slim.

Toating his gun like mine,

Somewhere else.

Since I was old enough to know he was Dauntless, thats all I wanted to become. I was going to leave,

To join my father, to join Dauntless.

Ever since I was young,

I knew that surged within me.

I am defiant.

Whenever Karen would grasp my arm,

I always thought about fighting back.

To punch her, to make her feel the pain Ive felt for years.

But I couldnt do it,

I loved her. I really did.

But my love was distant.

She made me cower, to feel weak.

And I knew whenever I went to school, when I played alone, sat alone, ate alone. That It was because I wanted to be strong, ALWAYS.

I was too defiant.

As we walk to Davids quarters,

I imagine shooting someone.

To kill them.

It scares me.

Not to kill someone...

To want to.

Its scary,

To imagine the wrath inside me.

All because of Karen,

She made me feel weak.

So now, all I want to be is strong.

But honestly looking back now,

She made me stronger.

Sometimes I think I am too strong.

Whenever people fall, I am Standing.

Whenever people break, I am Immune.

Whenever people become weak,

I become Strong.

It scares me.

It all threatens my stability.

That one little "click",

And Ill just lose my control.

Lose all of my will,

And when that day comes I know the only person Id see in the mirror.

Karen.

And I am scared.