But I Do

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Lights woke up from a fitful sleep, opening her eyes tiredly. She immediately sat up and then hit her head again, just like the night before. She uttered a couple quiet profanities as she realized she wasn’t in her own bed. Slowly she began to recall last night’s events. Hopping out of Hayley’s bunk, she smoothed the sheets back and replaced Hayley’s pillow. Luckily and not, she seemed to be the first person awake, and nobody knew she’d slept in Hayley’s bunk. It was 5:29. She could never seem to sleep in, especially when she needed it. She rubbed her eyes, yawning and walking to the front of the bus. As soon as she stood up she’d felt the effects of all last night’s drinks. She rummaged through a cabinet for the aspirin she could’ve sworn she’d seen the day before. As she searched next for a water bottle or whatever she could find, she heard the door open behind her. She turned around to see Hayley frozen in the doorway. She stood there sheepishly, looking guilty, as if she’d been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. Lights wore a deep frown that resonated mostly in her eyes and the little crease between her brows. She straightened up a little bit as Hayley sighed, walking inside and closing the door behind her. They looked at each other for a couple of tense seconds. Lights glanced down at the ground, shifting her weight uneasily and crossing her arms. Hayley shook her head a little bit, walking into the back room. Lights followed her.

“You have a good time with Max?” She asked suddenly, surprising both herself and Hayley. Hayley stopped, turning around slowly.

“Uh.. Yeah.” She said. Lights nodded, still frowning. “What?”

“Nothing.” Lights shrugged.

“Okay… You know me and Max.. We didn’t.. You know.”

“Oh really? You didn’t sleep with him?” Lights snapped, “Because dammit Hayley, you two seemed to be having a pretty great time last night.”

“What? He’s one of my best friends. I didn’t sleep with him. What’s it to you if I did, anyway?” At this, Lights just shook her head, going quiet. Hayley glared at her, waiting for her to say something.

“I needed you last night…” She finally muttered.

“You.. What?”

“I needed you, Hayley. I had another nightmare. A really, really bad one.” Her voice started to break. She wiped at her eyes that were betraying her, tearing up against her will. “Anyway. I woke up in the middle of the night and I went looking for you, but you weren’t there,” She nodded towards Hayley’s bunk, crossing her arms tighter around her ribcage. Hayley was speechless, and her silence made Lights suddenly self-conscious. “I- I mean, I know it’s not like your job to like.. Take care of me or whatever.. That’s dumb, I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I just really appreciate you and I like having you around and.. And when you can, you make a lot of little dumb, scary things better in a kind of big way.. I.. Oh God. I didn’t mean to.. I’m sorry,” She stuttered, trying to mend the situation. Hayley had sat down and put her face in her hands. She was blushing, thinking about what Max had told her last night. Suddenly she could see it in Lights’ words; that maybe possibly she liked her, too. She looked up at Lights, who looked mortified that she’d said all of that. She smiled a little bit, shaking her head.

“Come here,” She said quietly, patting the spot next to her on the couch. Lights didn’t protest, stepping closer and sitting down cautiously. Hayley pulled her right into a tight hug, though. Lights closed her eyes, resting her head on her shoulder. Hayley smiled as she realized she could hear her heartbeat. She ran her hand through Lights’ hair reassuringly and she felt her relax a little bit as she held her. She felt terrible for not being there for her.