It was a completely normal, unexceptional, run-of-the-mill, common beyond belief, average day. The sky was blue, the clouds were white, the grass was green, and the sun shone brightly.
Also, half the sky was covered by a huge spaceship.
Sally Johnson was skipping along the road, on her way to school, not minding, or perhaps not even being aware of, the panicking occuring around her.
Sally tilted her head, "I wonder why everyone is running around screaming, when it's such a fucking nice day, today."
"Doomsday is upon us! Doomsday is upon us! Repent!!"
A homeless man was holding up a cardboard sign, with the words "Doomsday has come!" written on it.
"Doomsday?" thought Sally to herself, as immidiately after, a fighter jet flew past her, making her hair hair go up in a mess, and her skirt flutter uncontrollably, exposing her pink panties for everyone to see.
"The fuck?" she questioned, as she watched the fighter jet fly towards the spaceship, which was starting to charge a strange blue lightbeam.
Several TV's, in a shop window next to where Sally was standing, was turned on to the news. "The full might of the U.S. Airforce has been dispatched to deal with the situation of an actual spaceship having suddenly appeared in upper town Manhattan, New York. This is live footage, from a believed-to-be safe distance, as fighter jets approach to attempt to take out the-."
In a flash of blue light, sent out by the spaceship, all of the screens shut down, as well as the traffic lights. Helicopters fell from the sky, as well as fighter jets, exploding upon impact with buildings. In the aftermath of the destruction caused by this sudden blackout, people beneath the spaceship started being sucked up into it.
"Well," Sally said, as she stretched, and brought forth an oddly decorated pink baseball bat from her backpack, which she proceeded to swing.
The background colours went crazy, in a way that would send children sitting too close to the TV, on a sunday afternoon, into an epileptic seizure, as Sally chanted in a badass language.
"Libertas et nomine, et protegam eam gens ab injuriis iuro."
Pink ribbons blossomed beautifully around her body, as she magically summoned a uniform which looked like something out of an outdated perverted asian cartoon.
It was so strange, that one would swear it was bought by a fat lonely nerd, who swore to one day get a girlfriend, and then have her wear it, only to, with his mind filled with guilt, dress himself in it, realizing that this wont ever happen.
Sally landed on the floor, after the transformation which had looked like a perverted homeless persons LSD-induced fever dream, and immediately took off into the air, flying towards the motherfucking spaceship.
- - -
"Sally Johnson, I am Teddy Sam, and you've been chosen by the US Department of Magic, to become a magical girl!!" yelled the flying tophat-wearing teddybear, at Sally as she was lying on her bed.
"The fuck?" questioned Sally, in a manner most appropriate for a person who might suddenly find a weird stuffed animal flying into their windows in the middle of the night, yapping away about some department of whatever.
"Will you not defend your country?!" yelled the weirdo teddy.
"This is creepyyyy~~!!" Sally said, as she kicked out the Teddybear from her window, and closed it.
"No, no, please wait!! A great storm is coming, and only a few are capable of using magic!! You are one of them!!"
Sally opened her window, staring at the chinese Teddybear.
"... Huh? A storm?"
- - -
Inside the spaceship, the long and slender, grey coloured aliens were busy examining a certain struggling police uniform-wearing human, who had been strapped to a table-like platform, with lights aimed down at him.
"Ooooh, you bastards!! I'll rip yer' god damn alien heads off!!" shouted the man in true American fashion, as he glared at the aliens.
"Huieaheihuehiaheuhieuhauiehhaue." said(?) the grey alien, as it lowered what looked to be a dissecting knife.
The man attempted to writhe loose of his constrains, but was unable to.
"Hiuhuheauieuaheuihaeueia?" asked(?) another grey alien.
Suddenly, a huge thumping sound came from the wall. The aliens looked questioningly around, as they kept producing the strange noise, reminiscent of brazillian laughter.
"Why're you stopping, you degenerate mutated retards?!!" roared the police officer, as he kept pushing against the slime-like constraints wrapped around his legs and along his arms. "You better-" he was interrupted by a huge sound, as in a burst of strange pink light, a huge part of the ships wall seemed to have been ripped off, and there stood a lewdly dressed Sally, with a baseball bat against her shoulder.
"Ho, ho, ho, motherfuckers~!!"
The Aliens flew towards the hole, due to the air pressure, where they were met with a hit to the face by Sally's baseball bat, sending their heads flying randomly about the room, one of them hitting the police officer straight in the nuts.
"Ruaaaagh!!?"
"Pfff.. Aarhahahahahaha!!" Sally burst into laughter, which could be heard despite the enormous air pressure.
"Oooh, you bitch!!" Groaned the police officer, "Who are you?!"
"The one whose going to Democracy these fucking creeps!!"
- - -
"... I still don't get it," said Sally, biting down on a strawberry lollipop.
"It's really very simple! I am the creation of an until-recently secret government program, to create magical soldiers to fight for justice and liberty! It proved highly succesful in Japan, and it was therefore decided that we were going to adapt this for American use," said Teddy Sam glared at Sally, speaking in a silly pitch.
"The problem is, that magic is only applicable to an abnormally small percentage of teenage girls... So the department of magick created us, to seek out these few individuals, and prepare them for the upincoming storm."
"Ahaaa.. And I'm just supposed to believe that?" said Sally, as she grabbed a hold of the teddy bear, and went to throw it out of the window again.
"Wait!! Waaait!! Let me prove it!!" it said desperately, as it started glowing increasingly, into a blinding pink light, from which emerged a pink baseball bat.
"Try taking a hold of this, and repeat after me."
Sally was dumbfounded by the sudden appearance of a seemingly magical baseball bat, and took a hold of it.
"Libertas et nomine, et protegam eam gens ab injuriis iuro."
"Libertas et nomine, et protegam eam gens ab injuriis iuro."
After a horribly sexualized transformation, Sally's room was completely wrecked, as she had been flying around randomly, in strange poses which she herself could not control, but she also found herself in a strangely kinky pink outfit.
"Do you believe me, now?!" asked Teddy Sam.
"Why are my panties striped?" Sally had lifted up her skirt, "Why are they changed to begin with?"
"Weeeell... For some reason we didn't find any way to modify the magical clothing, and we are stuck with the Japanese versio-.."
Sally had teared off her top, and was trying on boots.
"Nooo!!! Stop!! It'll go wrong if you start changing clothes!!"
But Sally did not stop, and after properly decorating her baseball bat, as well as modifying her magical outfit, she posed in front of a mirror.
"Well, it's still kinda fucking slutty, ya know, but it also looks kick ass~~!!"
"Oooh no... How did I end up with someone like her..."
