A Day in the Life of Bang the Wizard Gnome

"Uuuuahhhhhh, thiiis weaaaather is a fuuuun suuuck." Cuppie's bored and dissatisfied voice filled the quiet of the little living room. Cuppie brushed her sea foam green hair out of her face before dropping her hand heavily on the ground like a dead thing. Outside was grey and blustery, not a hint of sunshine anywhere.

"Baaaang. This suuuuuucks." Bang had no outward reaction to her complaints and instead continued levitating a couple power rings and activating them to see the colorful sparks, designs, and sounds. His cheeks turned a deeper fuchsia in pleasure.

"Ayy, you listenin' to me, Bang?" Bang was in fact, not listening. He was fully consumed in a pleasurable haze of power rings and magic. Cuppie realized this and leaned forward until she was nearly in his face before she licked a broad strip over the little magician's face. Immediately Bang was pulled out of his stupor and shoved Cuppie away as hard as he could. She fell sideways, rolled over on her back, and cackled. Her feet kicked as she dissolved into a puddle of tears and laughter. Bang's eye brow twitched under his black curls as a warning to the lightning spell he sent towards her.

Her laughter choked to an end at the sudden electrocution that puffed her hair out and made her smell like cooked sugar. Once she was recovered enough she quick drew the laser gun in her shoulder holster and fired twice at Bang. He jumped out of the way, his face blank. He stuck out his tongue and pulled on one of his eye lids in a taunt that influenced Cuppie to draw her bubble gun. She fired it, the bubble slurping around a book Bang threw so it would miss its target, him.

Bang jumped out the small open window after casting a small tornado spell inside the house. He watched as Cuppie and her homicidal, sentient, stuffed rabbit were yanked up and swirled around.

"Waahhhhhhhhh!!!" Bang turned on his heel and walked away, jamming his hands in the pocket of his wizard robes turned hoodie. The tornado would dissipate eventually... probably. He snorted amused and enjoying Cuppie's yells and hollers that were becoming more distant the further he moved away.

Bang was getting ready to settle up in a tree when a snaggle-toothed opossum dropped down out of the tree he was about to climb into. He stepped back and looked down at the critter, face blank.

"You have to hurry! She took him!" Bang turned around and started walking away, he'd find another tree.

"Wait, wait! Aren't you the wizard that lives with the Confectionery Veteran hero?"

"Nope." His voice was low in volume but deeper in raspiness than his little body might have otherwise indicated.

He heard the opossum stop following after him and it was blissfully quite for only a moment.

"You have to be... you're wearing a cut up wizard's robe and you have a lot of power rings around your neck." The animal trotted up and looked up at Bang from all fours but he didn't so much as glance in its direction.

"Coincidence." The opossum puffed out its cheeks. Right before it looked like it was going to explode Bang activated a power ring that released the image of a giant black demon shadow and a loud shriek. The opossum froze up, eyes wide in terror and shock, before falling over sideways stiff and unmoving.

"BAAANNNGGG!!! YOU BUTT MUUUUUUNCH!" A fist was suddenly jamming into Bang's guts that caused him to bend over slightly, breath gone. He waved a hand casting a levitation spell to pull himself above Cuppie and her reach.

"WHY Y--" Before she could finish her rant a snake slithered by. It stopped at Cuppie's feet and hissed politely to interrupt.

"Cuppie, the bird Farwren wassss taken captive by the bad cat, Vinccccent."

"WRARRWW! That naughty kitty! Always up to no good! Let's go Bang!" She jumped up suddenly, catching the wizard off guard and snatching his foot. She began jogging to Vincent's hideout, dragging Bang along with her like a balloon on a string. He sighed imperceptibly but didn't put up a fight as she led the way.

As per usual, Cuppie had no plan. She simply busted in on Vincent and kicked her in the face. The cat hissed from surprise but was up immediately, claws extended, and scratching Cuppie on the arm. The girl punched Vincent in her stomach at the same time that the cat swiped a paw across her face.

Bang stared at the fight blankly while the girls went at it with no chill. It was always like this. Vincent would take something... usually the bird locked in the cage that had been whistling to get Bang's attention, Cuppie would drag Bang along, the two girls would fight, and Bang would watch with his usual bored expression until they were so tired they could hardly move.

He wasn't in the mood to watch them or drag this out so he moved to the large cage with a brightly colored, large winged man looking down at him excitably. The man waved his fingers and rotated his arms, a whisper of a whistle accompanying it. Bang made a subtle movement with his hand in reply before using a spell to break the lock and swinging open the door to Farwren's prison. Once freed Farwren flew in a little circle above Bang before swooping down and grabbing the much smaller man up in a tight hug where he whistled emphatically, and cheerfully.

Bang didn't bother twisting in his arms or fighting the unwanted affection of Farwren. The bird eventually took advantage of Vincent and Cuppie still fighting and flew out of an open window taking Bang with him. He perched on the roof of the cat's hide out, setting Bang down and motioning with his hands so quickly they were nearly a blur.

"I wasn't. I was going to leave you here. Vincent never hurts you anyway." His voice was just as emotionless as his face when he replied to the bird's nonverbal question. A sad whistle answered Bang and the magician shrugged. The visible side of Farwren's face bunched up in disappointment before his trademark smile replaced it and he was flying off, Bang in tow.

Bang sighed as the wind whipped past his face, resigned to being pulled along on another adventure that he'd sooner not participate in.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Haha. Until next time.