On the outside, she's the girl with no problems, she's the girl who can laugh with you, joke with you and help you through anything. She's the girl who is there for everyone, nobody ever knows what's wrong with her. But it's not because they don't care, it's because she plays it cool. She's the girl who hates bitches yet will be one herself. She hates drama but always laughs at it, as long as she's not in it. She's the girl who can be laughing with you in an hour long conversation and then all of a sudden she's silent, she's looking at you and still laughing, but, her facial expression, it's all blank.
And if anyone is wondering why, here's your answer.
On the inside she's the girl who remembers everything, from something she did when she was three and knew no better, to something she did last week that made someone mad that she regrets. She overthinks everything, and loves with all of her heart, yet she thinks that nobody loves her, that nobody should. She's the girl who has a boyfriend she's head over heels for, and loves him unconditionally, yet when it comes to her trust, her anxieties and insecurities ruin it all. She doesn't love herself or think she's worthy of being shown off and knows she's nothing to be proud of, so she doesn't expect her boyfriend to love her and wishes she was better for him and feels like she doesn't deserve him, yet she knows she needs him and knows he loves and needs her too. She knows it all, but when her insecurities and anxieties take over, false negatives takeover the facts in her mind. She cries she pushes people away. And yes she could talk to someone, but how do you talk to someone if you don't care enough about yourself to think you deserve the help? You can't, so she waits and waits until she's laying shaking and in tears and lets it all out, randomly on some poor unsuspecting soul. And somehow she's lucky enough for that person to love her so much and be such a great friend to her. And not to mention she's got cases of focus disorders that nobody has ever cared enough to help her cure. So on that note. Back to her boyfriend, the love of her life, the guy who has promised and proved he's always going to be there. And now all she's worried about is pushing him away, she loves him she needs him, and she shows it everyday, he doesn't know all the thoughts that go through her head, all the pain and fake scenarios she puts into her own mind and heart. He'll never know, just like no one else will, all because, she keeps it all On The Inside.
