The Entirely Truthful Observation Records of My Extra Ordinary Family

16: Must you always be that unpredictable?

Husband

[Still age 14, me age 16]

Me [reading off a magazine]: Oh here's a good one. If you had to choose just one, would you rather your future husband be only intelligent, wealthy or good looking?

Still: ...I'd rather he be intelligent. If he were intelligent, he'd get a good job and eventually be able to make a lot of money. Once he had money, he'd be able to afford plastic surgery. Thus in theory, if you chose intelligence, you'd be getting the whole package.

Me: ...That actually makes a lot of sense.

Viewer

[It's around 7 and Mr. and Mrs. Ordinary are gathered in the living room watching a soap opera.]

Mr. Ordinary: This show is terrible! The plot is incomprehensible and the characters are borderline brain-dead. Why would anyone even watch this?

Mrs. Ordinary: Hush, they're going to reveal that he's the father of her child!

[Mr. Ordinary grumbles but stops complaining. After the show Mrs. Ordinary gushes about the episode.]

Mrs. Ordinary [excited]: Oh my goodness that scene was too good! Did you see the look on his face? What a great episode!

Mr. Ordinary: How did he not know it was his kid though? The son was like a carbon copy of him.

Mrs. Ordinary: It's TV logic! If you're not satisfied, don't watch it!

Mr. Ordinary: Tch, I only watch it because you always have it on. It's not like I'm seriously following this show.

[A week later the Ordinarys minus Mr. Ordinary go on a short three day trip.]

Mrs. Ordinary [turning on TV]: Ah, I've missed three whole episodes! How am I going to catch up? Who's this new guy?

Mr. Ordinary [casually]: That's her ex from before she met her kid's dad.

Mrs. Ordinary: The one from when she studied abroad?

Mr. Ordinary: No, the one who she saved as a child. You know, around episode 3? So anyways he's trying to get back together with the lead. In the last last episode he was trying to find ways to curry favour with her son. In yesterday's episode the son found out who his real dad is. The ending scene was him looking at his dad in his office.

Me: For a person who claims not to be a serious viewer of the show, you sure are up to date with the broadcasting.

Mr. Ordinary:...Q-quiet you!

Colours

[Still, age 6; me, age 8]

Me [furious]: I can't believe you went through my stuff and coloured in my brand new colouring book! How many times do I have to tell you not to touch my things! I haven't even coloured in a single page yet and it's already messed up! You're the worst! I hate you!

[Three Days Later]

[A piece of paper is slid under my door. I ignore it figuring it's probably from Still. Eventually more and more pages are deposited until finally I open my door.]

Me [facing Still]: What are you doing? Why are you sliding scrap paper into my room?

Still [picking up the sheets of paper]: They're not scrap papers...[Showing me what's on the sheets] I made you some colouring pages.

Me [staring at the pages filled with black marker outlines]: ...What is this?

Still: A sorry gift. Very, I'm sorry for colouring in your book. I wasn't trying to ruin it. I was trying to fix it...

Me: Fix it?

Still: Yeah, the pictures in your book didn't have colour in them so I was trying to add some. I didn't know they were supposed to be that way...If these pages aren't enough, mom said she'd take me to the bookstore to buy you a new colouring book, so can you stop being mad at me?

[After a long moment]

Me [cracking a tiny smile]: You're an idiot...a big stupid idiot....

[Still realizing that I've forgiven her grins.]

Still: Maybe, but this big stupid idiot is still your sister so you're just going to have to put up with me.

On that day I seriously contemplated about whether my little sister deserved a warm hug or a vicious smack over the head.