A New Beginning?

Chapter 1

"Please, let me explain. Just give me a chance. Please?" Sean begs, eyes brimming to the top with tears. He looks down and glares angrily at the rose beanbag in the corner. I inhale sharply, contemplating how to respond, and he glances up meeting my eyes with his own brilliant blue tear-stained eyes.

"What do you have to explain? You made your choice very clear. You chose her," I finally choke out trailing off. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach as the memory resurfaces. They sat in his beat-up mustang staring at one another, talking I guess, when he reached over and pushed her hair behind her ear and leaned toward her. His lips brushed against hers with a sense of urgency and I had to look away remembering those same lips against mine for the past eight months.

"I'm so sorry. It was a moment of weakness. It meant nothing, I promise. That was all that happened. It was only a kiss! I didn't know you.." He breaks me out of my daze trying to explain the situation when I interrupt him.

"Only a kiss? There's no such thing! I know you have feelings for her! I can't even look at you," I yell, aggravated, "I saw it, you know? I saw the whole thing!" I know what I saw. He had looked at me the same way right before he first told me he loved me. My stomach twists in knots and my heart aches thinking of the word loved. Past tense. The only difference is that I love him. Present.

"Karissa, baby.." his breath catches when he sees the look on my face. He continues to sting me with his bright eyes, "Okay so maybe I kissed her. Maybe I do have feelings for her. But I love you," he admits and then goes on to read my mind and say exactly what I'm thinking, "I always will and I know you still love me too."

He takes a step toward me and I look away from his stare. He reaches for my hand, and squeezes it, but I continue glaring at the cherry hardwood. With his other hand, he gently lifts my chin so that I'll look at him. I finally glance up and once he notices my teary, bloodshot eyes, he pulls me to his chest and holds me close against his toned body. I don't resist because I know that he's right, I do still love him. I concentrate on his breathing as I rest my head against his chest. I hear his heart thumping in my ears. It reminds me of his favorite song: the hard rock one he played for me driving home after our first date. I remember hearing it again the following week and watching him strum an air guitar at a stop light, realizing that I was already falling for him. That was the night we had our first kiss. We were both so nervous and our hands were shaking, but as soon as our lips touched, the nerves disappeared. It's a scary thing that happens when you fall helplessly in love with someone. Especially for the first time. I think, even back then, he knew how much power he had over me.

I pull away now and look up at this gorgeous man who was supposedly my best friend. I'm not quite sure if I can even still say that I know him. In a quiet voice, I manage to say, "But do you really still love me? Or do you want to be with her?" I motion with my hand as if she were standing off to the side, watching us like the newest romance movie.

"I could never not love you. I'm all in with you from now on. I promise," He replies gently with an almost-smile.

I walk over to my paisley covered bedspread and sit. I look over at him and he hesitates before taking the five and a half steps to me. We sit, both staring at my record collection spilling out of my ajar closet, neither one of us willing to break the deafening silence.

"Do you think you can give me another chance to make this right? I'll do anything and everything for you, I will. I can even tell Anna I can't see her anymore. At all," I wince when he says her name.

"Well , you can start by never saying her name," I suggest.

"Fair enough," He agrees.

"Are you sure I'm the one you want to be with?" I question him again, still not sure of myself or him.

He chuckles, "Baby, yes! I'm sure!" He brushes my hair behind my ear and leans toward me. Red flags go up as an image of their kiss comes up in my mind. I push him away.

"Don't," I snap.

"What's wrong?" He asks with a concerned expression clouding his olive complex.

"Don't touch me. Not like that. That's how you touched her. I'm not her, okay?" I yell and storm over to my pale pink, lace covered window.

"Is that really what you think Karissa? That I want you to be her?" He yells back. He takes a second to collect himself and saunters to the window next to me, "Karissa," he says softly, "She isn't you."

I look up at him. He runs his fingers through his tousled dirty blonde hair, clearly exhausted. I watch him as he thinks about this. About us. I look into his ocean blue eyes and the scar under his left eye catches my attention, it proves weakness. He's hurt too. I just don't know if I can trust him completely again.

"Sean?" I take a step.

He locks his eyes with mine, "Yeah?"

I take another step toward him. "Don't hurt me," I whisper as I reach and run my fingers through his hair. His arms, instinctively wrap around and end up on the small of my back. I hold his stare and pull him toward me. Maybe everything will be alright. All I know is that I love him. I let myself fall again and let the pain slip away as soon as his lips reach mine.