Useless

Us never happened

         We were close before. Before what exactly I have no idea of. You and I were friends. We were more close than friends. We were best friends. What happened to us? To this day I still wonder. I thought it was true friendship. Maybe even more than that. What happened to that? Was it me? Am I really that much of a bad person? Why did you leave? What did I do to you? Why did you run away? Where are you now? Do you still think of me like I do?

 Do you still remember me?

Do you still love me?

              Even though you are now gone I still miss you. I still want you. We had so much fun and so many memories. Now you act like us never happened. I miss you. You were the light to my tunnel. I'm depressed without you. I'm useless without you. I have so much medications that I have to take just to live. I miss you. I live just to watch you dance and sing. Do you remember when we used to dance and sing together? I always forget that you don't care anymore. Why did you open up to me then leave? Was that all fake? I miss you. I say that a lot. I think that lot. I watch you everyday. I might be your biggest fan. You don't care do you? I miss you. The days used to go by so fast when we laughed and spent it accompanied with each other.

                 I can't even leave my house without taking medication. Depression has grasped me and has strangled me. My anxiety overtaking my entire body, mind and feelings. Yet the presence of you still lingers.  I don't think I'll last long. But I stay because I want to watch you. Do you miss me? I hope so. I am more lonelier than ever. I'm an more insane than ever. I need you. Yet you left me and haven't looked back. Where are you? Will you came back? I wish you would. Please come back.

                 I've lost interest in life. Yet I still watch you. I've lost so many pounds. So much of my happiness had left and the streets of my soul run cold. I've lost hope and spirit. I have faded. You have changed too but I still love you. I watch you on camera, through a screen. You always laugh and smile. I wish I could. You look like you're having fun, without me. I can't smile anymore. I can't laugh. I need you. You are the light in my life. You were the reason I was laughing and talking. You left and I was gone, all alone. The thing I don't get is why did you leave? Why?

                  I'm still waiting for the day you come back but that's not happening soon. Is it? Are you counting the days till we meet? Are you waiting for me, like I am for you? 

I miss you.

Like you said my words are useless.

                   I am useless and so are my words. So are all of my actions and every movement. My name should be useless. I am useless. Just like you said my words are useless to you. Right? Was that true? Are my words useless? Am I useless? Was us fake? What was I to you?

What was I to you?

Who were you?

Was this your plan?

                      I don't blame you for what you did. I'm over that. I just want you back. Please come back. I miss you. I will always miss you. Until the day you come back or the day I die. Which ever one comes first. I miss you. The word I have repeated more than a million times over the past three years. Yep you left me for three years. Three years. That felt longer than three years. I still don't understand why you left.

  
                       When you first left I didn't have anything better to do so I would go to bars and drink a lot. Then I would cry myself to sleep every night. When you first left my grades dropped from As to Fs.  I'm in college now. Where are you? I'm studying to become an artist. I would love to paint my entire life away. There was a time when we used to draw together. Do you remember that? I miss you. Where have you gone to? Why did you leave me? I work two jobs to pay for my house and food. I still manage to live and breathe.

                         I wanted to become a singer and dancer like you. That didn't happen. Was that because I'm useless? I don't know. I miss you. Do you miss me like I miss you? I miss the way you used to say my name. Who will say it like you did now? Who will laugh with me? Who will smile with me? Who will make me happy again? I miss you. Do you still remember my name? The way you used to say it always made me smile. But I don't smile any more.

"Areum! "

That was you calling my name. Do you remember what you used to tell me?

"You're name means beautiful. That's why all the guys are always swooning over you."

After we would burst out laughing.

As much as it hurts to say this, I miss you.
With all my heart and soul, I miss you. Please come back. I miss you. Like the plants miss the rain. I miss you. I can't strive without you. Please. Jungkook. Please.

Comeback.

Please.

I love you.

Please.

I miss you.