My name...? I have seem to forgotten. I remember everything else sadly. Some people say they have had a bad past like parents divorcing or fighting, maybe just not getting what you wanted. Thats unfair and selfish for anyone to begin to complain about. I have not complained about my past once in my life, for once I am going to get everything off my chest, and I mean even the darkest crevices of my past, all facts, all pain, and no relief. I was born to a mother at the age of 16 and a father of 23, my parents managed to keep the secret of a child "somehow". As I grew my father had beaten me everyday. My father was what you called a genius, he knew so many things, you would think he would know not to get a 16 year old pregnant. He worked inventing things and solving world problems but there was one thing he could never fix. I never knew what it was, never could have even guessed. All I knew is it was important and this caused major stress on him, causing him to beat me anytime i even said a word to him, because he always said how "busy" he was. I never hated him for it either. I really do not remember why but I still can not hate the man for that. This is only the tip of the iceberg though. My mother was way to sensetive, she never stood up for me no matter how much she wanted to. I knew she loved me more than anything. She was scared to leave him also.
I could always understand my mother with those aspects except you should protect your child no matter how sensetive or scared you are. I was very small, not short, I was average height but my body was small, I guess very fragile but not just because i was a child, this made me a target for rapists and molestors. Luckily i was smart enough to avoid strangers. I was beaten up even worse at school then at home. Kids pushed me down the stairs, and put gum in my hair, I never could understand why I was bullied. Things escalated even more when i realized my own male teacher was a threat to me, he saw my wounds from beating and kids, and he wanted to "Help me" he told me to sit on his lap while he put on band-aids, I am ways smarter than that. I threw an eraser from the chalk board at him and ran into the street outside of the school. *Urghhhhhhhhhhhh*, I heard the sound of a beeping wheel as my life flashed before my eyes, the car crashed into me, I wanted to just die but I knew I had more suffering in store, not only did i get hit but i was awake as blood flowed out of my cold body. The woman driving took me to the hospital and i got out in a few months with no permenant disabillities. Once I got home the beatings started again. The doctors though my wounds were from the accident. After I got back though everytime my father beat me my mother got a knife and stabbed her arms. I guess it was her way of apologizing to me. That was just selfish though, now I have to worry about my mother, eventually my mother had to go to the hospital for blood loss, no questions were asked. My mother still cut herself after but just less than usual. One time my mother had enough and stood up to my father. This is where it all went terribly wrong. My father put his hand on her neck and accidently choked her to death. I did not even know until I walked down the stairs and saw my mother on the floor. It gets worse, next to her, my father who commited suicide. He cut all his fingers off and arranged them into a sentence that i barely understood, it said, " You why" I did not know what he meant but it was a hint. After doing that he cut his neck and decapitated his head. I saw it all and I could not even cry. I felt like a monster but I was my heart and mentallity already took to much pain. I could not forgive my father for taking his life and not taking his punishment, but I do not think that he killed himself to escape that and rather he could not live without my mother. The reason I could never remember my name is because I never had one, I was born in secrecy in a shack and no one ever knew I exsisted, I have no idea how I went to school but I managed to. After their deaths the mailman found their bodies with a blood covered me lying there. I was hugging my mothers cold body while my fathers pool of blood cascaded the floor. I was taken to an orphanage and I lived there for a long time never speaking once about my past and never speaking a word, I shut myself even more away than ever and I was glad because I was strong enough to live through it without doing anything I would regret, the police questioned me millions of times. I could care less, I slowly gained a fear of men not that women can not be bad but boys and adult males caused my pains. I completely ran away from my past, the past is gone and the present is now and the future is always. I never though I would change my point of view but when the day came I met someone simmilar, someone who understands me but even more than that, they can make me a better person because..... no. That is what I would like to say but the world is cruel, but god believes in me.
