I've always been kinda a loser in a way never have I ever expected myself to make so many fake friends though. What I mean by fake friends is people you hang out with once or twice then never see them again. My ego is something I retained from my father his passing was my grief and dispare but before he left me he showed me the ways of what the call a real man. My crisis is that my over gratifying ego with anime stories caused me to use life lessons from him less and it turned me unloyal.
In 9th grade I sorta a random fellow not wanting to be like everyone else but also wanting to fit in my goal in life was to get as many females knocked up as I could from my friend telling me that in highschool the guy with the most girls to his body count was the most popular. Little did I know that popularity is that bad kind with the ladies and the good with the males. A double standard if you will and I didn't figure this out until May of 2016 the very end of my freshman year. Now I realized that my life isn't something I can tell lightly to someone I care about. So I had a problem what do you get when you have a horndog with nothing to satisfy its thirst. A desperate fellow that's what you have. It makes me sad each day I think about how i treated those girls over the internet and basically role-played sex out of them
In September I realized I needed a change and I found it i started being loyal again but I couldn't go back to my roots. If you don't know what my roots are its a point in time where I was loyal and I treated people fairly. I was single for so long that I knew even if I found a woman I could call a lover I couldn't treat her like my lover I wanted to date someone so bad that is started telling people I love them randomly without thinking about what might happen if I actually do get with them my crisis what that I couldn't stomach the responsibly that comes with being in a relationship Ive only loved two women. Out of dating over 40 over the internet and 2 in real life. My what started as me wanting to be a guy who could talk to the ladies easily turned into a player going on a begging spree to see who would fall for it next. It sickened me made me feel like the kind of man I am, no the kind of boy I am isn't the kind of man I want to be. This is where I started the crying.
In January of 2017 I made a vow to myself and my soul I wouldn't hurt another woman's feeling no matter what the costs even if it meant my life is at stake. But sadly I couldn't keep that promise the promise i made to never hurt anyone other than myself. I did so by hurting my best friend a girl I loved and liked in a way to the point that she made her own story and cried about it although the topic was so serious I blew it off like it was meaningless.
I also hurt someone else but not as bad she wrote a story on her on accord and it is great something that inspired me to write this one. I love her more than anything and it kills me to see her so sad at times. She has D.I.D and I love every different part of her. But anyway back to my crisis in march as well as in April around my birthday. I soon was able to realize that people only cared about me when it was convenient to them it caused me to have one of the worst birthday's ever one when I spent the entire day in my room crying lying to people saying that I went out to eat for it. Surely im not worthless but at the same time its a bring fire in my heart that is about to burn out. Then weeks later in may it hit me the burn out that I knew was coming I was a sobering mess lying to people saying that i was busy with school that's why I haven't tailed to them im a while. And now 2017 June 4th I had my midlife crisis recovery I realized its time fir me to stop being someone im not start telling people who I truly care about why I love them release myself from my shadow. Until the day I return peace and love.
Brownman
Drlmao
Drlol
Codm
Slade
Kirito
Asura
And now nura
Jordan lee Broughton
Has returned
