Happy To Be Dead

I Always Wondered

For a moment, the overwhelming amount of white light flooding into my sight made me question my status as a human.
Was I dead or alive?
Heaven or hell?
I knew full well who I was, but the occurrences in my life, where I was, my reason for being here, they all drifted away. There was no need to know.
There was crisp, fresh air, chill on my skin but refreshing to my senses. As my eyes adjusted, the light became soft in an equally overwhelming manner. As though I would go blind trying to drink in it's beauty. Never had my body felt so light, absolved of pains, of worries. The physical and spiritual danced in harmony leaving behind the worries of a simple human man.
Before I knew it I was standing surely in heaven. Creamy silks adorned my body, that paled in comparison to my rough skin, that too looked and felt rejuvenated.
She was before me, here in heaven.
Her midnight colored locks stark against the endless background of bliss. Every strand perfectly kempt, straight and free of dirt. Unlike myself, her skin was pristine, eyes wide and far more captivating then they'd ever been on Earth. Each ruffle of her gown gliding ever so slightly against the elegance of either immaculate, porcelain thigh. She hummed ever so slightly to herself, spinning and smiling with a vibrance. A snippet of poetry, she painted the words of others into the air so they could float into my ears and dissolve like sugar.

"We'll weave our hands together and then kiss this braid of fingers
Until the whisper, whisper of time's undying rivers
Come decorate our skin with crow’s feet, spider-veins and fissures
But we won't cry, we won't cry, we'll step into that cyclone
Together when we're blinded and our minds erode like limestone
And all we can remember is how we make each other feel, then-"

Our eyes met, those breathtaking emeralds highlighted by the crinkles​around her eyes. I'd never seen her smile like that. My heart, beating or otherwise, contracted in that moment leaving a warm stream of chills down my back.
Yes, a Goddess stood before me. Yes, in heaven we met again.
Her expression deepened as she ran, her heart on her sleeve I witnessed joy in it's purest form. Time stood still as she came to me, I tried to remember how we had met, I tried to remember us, our interactions. Anything of her, she was so close and so far in memory and proximity. Even the sting of ignorance felt insignificant against unbridled pleasure. Happy to see her, happy to be free, happy to be dead.
She melted into my arms without hesitation, small fists grasping at my clothes, small face buried into my chest. I rested a gentle hand against her hair, velvety smooth against my worn palms. Her entire body emitting the fragrance of delicate soaps, delicious to my senses she was a beautiful pastry I took in whole. There we stood, against time, against responsibility in our personal Utopia. I wanted for nothing but her.

"Carem." I whispered, unsure of my own voice that projected only far enough to grace her ears with it's vibrations.

"I waited so long." Her voice was gorgeous like a calming mountain streams. It was the one thing about her true to what she maintained on Earth. That beautiful voice so erie and relaxed, but ever so refined. I held her tighter, her body alike a precious jewel I feared she might shatter beneath my grip. "Break me." She offered up to me "Squeeze me as tight as you can. It's fine, as long as you're here."

Despite her words, I found myself pulling back to look at her. I'd never noticed before, the way she sparkled with adoration and curiosity. Her finger invigorating to my temper as it brushed against my cheek.

"Dear Juno, please don't cry. The time to be sad is left for the living."

There were so many things I could see in her that I could not see before. I hope she felt the same way about me.
With a nod from me and a reassuring smile from her, the tears dissapated left to the past.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Everything."

There it was, so strong I feared a second wave of tears, that laugh of hers.

"There's​ no need for apologies. Everything that happened was predestined. We did what we needed to, and now that we've served our purpose we can leave it behind."

I must have appeared unsatisfied with that, because she continued.

"To ease you, I forgive you. Even if we had to relive our lives a million times I'd still forgive you. That's what love is."

Even here, her presence left me speechless. I wanted to lay in her lap and listen all day long to her musings. To bask in her honey sweet voice.

"We can do that too, we have all the time left in the world."

That's​ when I realized we had no use for words, she already knew full well the love I held for her. Our hands I interlocked, as if made to fit each other and we ran. Lovers left to spend the rest of eternity together.