Bad Words | phan

15-The Solution

A/N: Wow. Hi. This book still exists. It's been a hot second. How is everyone? Good? Good. Bad? That's okay. Just have a day. Anyways, I hope everything is well. I hope you're great. I'm planning on writing and posting chapters in mass because I really want to finish this book. I'm sorry it's been such a long time, but I would like to thank everyone for all the kind words and support.

After Dan's confession, he and Phil sat for a long time. Phil simply wrapped his arms around Dan, allowing the relieved brunette to sob his eyes out, releasing his built up emotions in sorrowful and jubilant sobs. His uneven breathing caused him to shake heavily, and Phil simply held him more tightly. As time passed, Dan's tears slowed and his breathing returned to normal. Gently, he looked up into Phil's eyes, trying to resist the urge to kiss his blue eyed rock. As Dan subconsciously leaned toward Phil, Phil backed away.

Despite the deep affection in his eyes, Phil shook his head. "Don't make this about that," Phil whispered, and Dan understood Phil's nonsense: Don't make your confession about our relationship. Don't let yourself think you possess feelings toward me because I know your secrets. Don't romanticize your brother's death.

A/N: Don't romanticize mental disorders either. Thanks. Bye.

Dan nodded, holding his breath. Still huddled in Phil's lap on the floor, Dan clutched his shoulders, and more tears filled his eyes. "Thank you," Dan sighed, letting out an awkward, but grateful chuckle and averting his gaze as he shook his head. "Seems like I've been telling you a lot of secrets, huh?" His dry, unhumored laughter continued, but quickly faded.

Phil hugged Dan once more before standing. He shook out his legs and stretched his arms above his head, groggily removing e pins and needles from his numb and "sleeping" limbs. "Sometimes secrets need to come out," Phil replied, offering a hand to help Dan stand. (A/N: pun intended.)

Dan looked at Phil carefully, looking him up and down in a manner based on observation more than physical attraction. "Phil, are you alright?" Dan whispered, his voice gentle. To Phil's confused look, Dan ensured, "If you need to talk to someone, I'm always here."

Phil smiled, inhaling deeply. For the entirety of his life, Phil played therapist, helping others when they had issues, and solving other people's problems. Due to this obligation, Phil belittled his own feelings and emotions, pushing them deep within him. Dan's offer was possibly the first chance he ever received to spill his own feelings. However, Phil answered, "Right now, I'm more than perfectly happy." He wasn't lying.

Dan nodded, but the sneaking suspicion remained embedded in his gut, along with the desire to kiss Phil. Maybe Phil was right: Dan mixed his emotions with his affections. Even if Dan properly separated his feelings, he knew Phil wouldn't kiss him while he was in a relationship because Phil couldn't bear to cause that kind of bump in someone's life. Leaving Louise crossed Dan's mind, but fear also remained in his brain.

If Dan broke up with Louise, his friends would question him. He could be labeled. People could learn the truth about his sexuality. Dan would be attacked and tortured and bullied. While these toxic thoughts ran through Dan's head like an endless, taunting marathon, he also considered a different perspective. If Dan left Louise, he could start a new life. If Dan left Louise, he could embrace his sexuality. If Dan left Louise, he could have Phil to hug and kiss and snuggle and hold and love. Maybe. Maybe Dan could maybe love Phil. Maybe Dan could love another man. Maybe Dan could love himself.

Eventually, Phil walked away from the Howell household, fairly confident in Dan and himself. He hoped that Dan could find himself. However, he didn't want to pressure Dan into coming out, nor did he want Dan to feel unsafe. For a short time, Phil had met Dan's mother, and she seemed quite kind, but ideas from a brief meeting scarcely come to fruition.