One Shot Stories (Shawn Mendes)

The End

*TRIGGER WARNING* Contains content not suitable for readers dealing with depression or grief

A/N  This is the finale of a story posted on Instagram. If you want to read it please go to my insta: @mendes_army_astrid (link in my bio) and look for a story titled ''MISTAKE''. Happy reading!

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It's been 2 months since you left me alone in this world. The worst months of my life during which there was not a single day when I wished that I have never been born. You died that day physically, but you took my reason to live with you too.

I became a walking corpse. I have not eaten or slept in ages. I can't. Every time I close my eyes I see you telling me that if it was not for me you would still have been here. I wake up screaming and searching for you in my bed just to realise that my life became a nightmare I can't wake up from.

My mother keeps dragging me from one therapist to another, but none of them can help. How do you help a dead person? You don't. The medication I was given made me numb, but it could not take away the emptiness I feel. It could not take away the memories of you. Time passes and my only way of keeping up with the date is counting the days since you left. I don't know what date it is today, but it is 61 days since you decided to let go. People I used to call friends keep showing up at my house trying to talk to me, but I can't find the will to respond. You need to go out and live again, they say. They don't understand that I died 2 months ago.

My memories of you are starting to fade. I'm scared that there will be a time when I won't be able to recall your smell or laugh anymore. I'm terrified that there will be a time when I start to if any of this was real. If we were real.
The news of your death are still everywhere and the paparazzi set up a camp in front of my house. I don't mind them. They help me to remember you and as painful as it might be it reminds me that I'm still alive even if I would rather not be.

I miss you and every single day I want to be with you more and more. How could you leave me here to burn? How could you do this to me? How could I do all those things to you? If I just got there earlier. If I just listened to Brian telling me that there was something wrong with you. If I just...I can't take this any longer. I can't keep living my life without you. I need you.  I'm just not strong enough to end this. I'm scared to let go. Did you feel the same way before jumping?  I just need one final push to end this and we will be together again. I promise.

And just like that I put the letter into an envelope and tuck it away to one of my drawers which hides 60 similar letters.

''Y/N, can I come in?'' I hear the familiar voice. Andrew.

No response. 

They always come in anyway.

The door opens revealing Andrew's worn out face. As he steps inside I notice a small envelope in his hands.

''Ehm...I found this in your old flat. Apparently, it's for you from Shawn. Seems like he wanted to say goodbye properly,'' he says in a shaky voice.

''Anyway, I need to go. Things have been crazy these past months. Please take care,'' he says, leaving my room.

Taking a deep breath, I open the envelope. Tears start to fall down my cheek instantly.  His handwriting and the smell of his cologne still lingering on the paper. 

Dear Y/N,

If you are reading this, I'm probably dead. Please don't feel like this was your fault. It was my decision and my decision only. I messed up many things in my life. I have many regrets, but our relationship was not one of them. You were the best thing to ever happen to me and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to have you in my life. You made it worth living.

Sometimes it all gets a little too much. I messed up our relationship and I could not imagine living without you. You deserve the world, but I could not give it to you. Hope you find someone who will.

Please don't blame yourself for this. I know that it might be too much to ask for, but please forgive me for putting you through this. I never meant to hurt you, but I couldn't take the pain any longer. 

Just remember that I will always love you. No matter where I am. I sorry I couldn't give you what you needed.

As we used to say 

Forever and always,

Shawn

I put the letter down, got dressed and walked out of the house for the first time in 2 months. I passed all paparazzi with their cameras and look up at the sky. The sun was shining and there was not a single cloud. You could smell the summer everywhere. 

I smiled for the first time in months. 

What a perfect day to leave forever...

Forever and always

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A/N Hope you guys liked this. I did not intend to make it this long, but it got a bit out of hand. I wanted to post it on insta, but then realised it would take ages to do, so here you go. Leave some feedback :)

Love you,

Astrid