Behind Curtains

Simula

Simula

Familiarity really does breed contempt.

I was crying in frustration after another petty row with Keith. Hindi ko na sana maaalala na nag-aaway pa pala kami, kung hindi nanaman ba siya nakahanap ng mali, after I went out to the balcony to puff out steam.

"Ano ba sa bawal na 'yan, ang hindi mo naiintindihan, Layla?" he stressed out, throwing a used plastic cup at my feet. "Sabi ko sa'yong 'wag itapon kung saan-saan ang upos niyan! And you are smoking beside the compressor?! Papasok nanaman sa kwarto 'yong baho!"

"Doon naman ako nakaharap!" I said, pointing at the opposite direction of his airconditioner's outside unit.

"Kahit na!" he still barked. "At saan mo itinataktak 'yan? Diyan lang ba? Makikita tayo ng CCTV, Lala! Naka-ilang warnings na 'tong unit na 'to—"

Kinuha ko na 'yong plastic cup sa sahig at itinapon na doon ang lahat ng upos. Neverminding that a butt was still lit at nabutas na 'yong baso. When he saw the ashes falling from the now-holed bottom part of the cup, nakarinig nanaman ako ng talak mula sa kanya. Hindi talaga siya natigil hangga't hindi niya na naaamoy 'yong usok.

And that's when I knew I had enough of it.

Jesus Christ, can't I catch a break?

We've been fighting about a lot of things lately; and the more it progressed, the louder he gave emphasis on my occasional smoking. Since I only ever do it when I choose not to lash while I was actually getting so angry at him.

Because with the years we've spent together, I know how my words could carve permanent personal damage for him. I do not want to carry anymore guilt. Masyado nang puno ang bagahe ko para roon.

Sumisikip 'yong dibdib ko sa tuwing binubulyawan niya ako. And I hated how my eyes easily stung. But for years that I've only ever felt empowered through my ego, I seemed to have trained my tearducts from giving me away.  Hindi na ito agarang bumibigay at basta-basta nalang ako ginagawang talo.

"O tapos, mag-wo-walk-out ka?"

Umiling nalang ako at pagod siyang nilingon. It's already 2 in the morning, and I feel exhausted. Halos hindi ko na nga mahawakan ang towel na bitbit.

"Beh, please," I sighed defeatedly. "Maliligo lang ako."

His face was still red from wanting to rile me up. Sa sama noong tingin niya sa akin, I thought he wouldn't let me go. I was thankful, though, that we were both suckers for taking showers before sleep.

"Fine," he hissed between gritted teeth, at hinayaan na ako.

Pumasok na ako sa banyo and immediately turned the shower on. I stripped me off my clothes. Habol ang hininga, and with an aching stomach, I sat naked on the toilet bowl at hinayaan na ang sariling umiyak.

Tangina.

My hand was shaking as I covered my mouth to muffle a cry. I really hated being distressed, and nobody knows that more than Keith. But here he was, giving me tough shit whenever he got the chance.

This wasn't working out anymore, and I cannot deny that, but Keith was my home now. With an easily disheartened person like me, knowing someone was willing to take me in nevertheless, was everything.

Hindi ako pwedeng pumatol sa natatanging taong nakakaintindi sa takbo ng isip ko. He was also the only one I knew who's willing to take me in, and hide me away, despite the risks. I guess, I have to give him this nalang.