false hope; joshler [✔]

July 15th (pt.1)

It's been two weeks since I've last written another letter to you.
I guess the nurses got tired of me because they finally kicked me out and told me to go home.
I can only visit you during the day now which makes me sad.
Man, I suck.
I'm sorry that I keep forgetting to write to you.
I'm sorry for always forgetting stuff.
I'm sorry for always making you upset when I don't dry off after a shower.
I'm sorry for falling in love with you and not telling you anything about it until you got in a coma.
But most of all,
I'm sorry for letting this happen.
Letting things go downhill.
Letting myself go downhill.
I know you wouldn't want to see me this way.
You'd get sad looking at me.
You'd tell me I should rest.
You'd wipe off tears from my tear stained cheeks and tell me that everything is gonna be okay.
But you can't do that anymore.
You're in a coma.
I still don't forgive myself for it.
I still love you though.
I hope you love me back.
I hope I can learn to love myself as much as I learned to love you.
Please wake up soon.
Love, Joshua.