I guess, after that night a lot of things changed. We started to be together again as often as possible (You always had a lot of arrangements and dates with your girlfriend). We talked about stupid things and i even got to like your girlfriend a bit. For your sake of course.
Eventually the things had to be like that, and maybe we were never meant to be together.
So when i realised that i had nobody to go to the dance with (the years before we always went together, because we had just ourselves) i went there all alone and dressed up nicely. I sat on one of these dirty old benches of our school and watched how you and your pretty girlfriend danced. You laughed, 'cause she told you something. It was that warm and lovely laugh of yours.
She was beautiful, she had good grades and furthermore she was much taller than i could ever be. My legs were fat, probably still are, and i didn't had the best body.
So i had my doubts. About me. My looks, my weight, my charisma... I felt like having thousand of flaws.
I concluded to change. I wanted to be like her.
That you see me as a girl, and not as your childhood friend.
I started to eat less, make sport and buy new clothes (the old ones wouldn't fit if i loose weight). I even put on make-up, and i actually really hated that kind of stuff. I started to change my behavior and become more of a high and mighty princess, who had to be perfect.
It became a delusion, i was addicted to weight less and eating none. My so called "friends" realised, but didn't really care. You always were the only friend i ever had.
To that time my Mother wasn't at home at all, she went abroad, because of her work. I told you once, that we never had the best relationship. So she never called and asked for my being, as a normal mother would have.
When you noticed my transformation you were shocked, worried and irritated.
You asked me, what happened, and told me, that i need to go to the psychologist.
I didn't reached my goal. I wasn't your childhood friend anymore nor a girl in your eyes: for you i was a sick stupid girl.
Today i know that it was wrong to think like that, all i did, but how could i know that back then?
My heart ached everytime i saw you, because my affection for you was that deep. I couldn't loose you, my only and beloved friend.
So i lied and told you, that i fought with my mother and got into depression.
You started to spend more time with me.
