Bestfriend (One-shot)

We were so close.

We were friends, almost lovers.

I loved you.

I'm sure you were aware of that. I knew you loved me too back then. Ramdam ko. Pinaramdam mo sa akin.

We both knew how we felt about each other. And I was more than happy with the relationship we had.

You made me happy. I always smile when I thought about you. No, we didn't kiss, but we held hands sometimes, which was more than enough for me.

Every time we stayed at your house doing requirements or just hanging out, we would talk about everything. Anything under the sun.

Remember how you would hold my hand or put your arm around my shoulders? Sometimes we would lie in bed together. Just talking or joking.

No. It was never awkward between us.

Until that night.

The night of our acquaintance party kung saan ako nalasing. You took really good care of me and I ended up sleeping over at your house. You thought I was too drunk to get home. Well, sort of.

Yes, I was drunk but not to the point that I forgot what happened that night. I still remember how you wiped my face with a wet towel and how you made coffee for me.

I still remember how you scolded me affectionately,

"Sabi ko kasi wag kang uminom masyado. Hindi ka pa sanay. Kelangan nandun ako parati para walang mangyari sayo."

Ngumiti lang ako. I smiled at the thought of you caring too much, and that you will always be by my side.

It was really getting late. Both seeing your face worried and having your presence beside me didn't help. Hindi ko napigilan. I was too overwhelmed by the scene.

Before I could stop myself, I ended up telling you that I was in love with you.

I was planning to tell you soon, probably on your birthday.

You didn't say anything after my confession.

The next day you didn't talk to me. You tried your best to ignore me. And you won. You ignored me until I just decided to go home. I could not bear your rejection.

The moment I got home I texted you,

“Galit ka? Sorry. Di ko yun dapat sinabi. Lasing lang ako.”

Surprisingly, you replied.

"Di ako galit. Wag muna tayo magsama for a while. Kelangan ko mag isip."

That was your last message.

It's been almost a year, and you still haven't talked to me.

It's been a year since you decided to shut me out of your life.

I miss you, Mike..

Ako kaya namiss mo? Naalala mo kaya na minsan may isang Jake sa buhay mo?

You have a girlfriend now. And you seem very happy.

Sometimes you smile at me, only when your girlfriend is not around. She is very pretty and smart. You actually look cute together. Ano naman ang panama ko?

I lost you. Hindi ako nagsisisi na umamin ako na mahal kita.

Nanghihinayang lang ako..

Nanghihinayang ako sa kung ano ang nawala at kung ano na sana tayo..

If only..

But looking back does not do any good.

I lost my best friend and the love of my life.

Only because he couldn’t admit to himself that..

He’s gay.