This Royal Life

Realization

(DAYU)

I stared blankly down on the Royal Garden where I used to play with Qing and Lao when we were young. Now my son and daughter play there while Qing and I drink tea and watch over them.

We are a happy family. Without our titles people may also think that we are just a normal family, as normal as having two fathers and no wife.

Now, I feel like my family is under attack. Chong tried to console and pacify me but I think I failed him. The unsettled feeling inside me persisted.

I knew it! I knew this feeling is true. I hate this feeling and now a problem like nothing I have faced before are coming right into me.

"Dayu,"

I didn't turn around when I heard Qing calling my name. I didn't do anything when he stood behind me and put his hands on top of my shoulders.

"I am sorry..." he said after some silence.

I shook my head, "I should be the one apologizing to you. Leaving you like that, that's not right..."

"No," Qing's hand left my shoulders so his arms can wrap around my waist. "I know you are in shock."

"You are in shock too." I said. "Who wouldn't be? But this is not the time for me to think about myself. What I should do is help you find a solution..."

"Fuck what you should do, Dayu!" Qing exclaimed and he spun me around to face him. I stared at him in shock. He looked angry and scared at the same time, "Stop thinking like a King's  Consort and be my Dayu for a moment. Can you do that? Tell me, what are you feeling? What are you thinking?"

I felt tears welled in my eyes. All my worries and doubts and questions rushing at me. "I f-feel hurt Qing," I said in a broken tone as tears rolled from my eyes.

Qing hugged me fast. His eyes are with tears too. I spoke against his shoulder, "Are you regretting it now? Marrying me and not a woman who will not give you this kind of hardships..."

"Dayu!" He caught my jaws and tilt my head up. Looking into my eyes, "What are you talking about?"

I don't know. All I know is that I am blurting out things that has been on my mind for quite some time now.

"Qing ah, if you married a woman and sired a child with her, your son's legality will not be in question. If Yong has a mother and she is raising him, he will be appointed immediately as the Crown Prince. I am a liability for the two of you..."

"No!" Qing shook his head frantically. Letting go of my face, "Don't say that. Please don't say those words again, my love. You are not a liability. You have never been a liability to me. You are my love..."

"I know...but..."

"Do you still love me?" Qing suddenly asked. I gasped. "Qing ah...?"

Qing smiled sadly, "Do you still trust me Dayu? With your safety and the safety of our children, do you still entrust that to me?"

"Qing ah," I clutch his arm. "Of course! I trust no one above you with our family's safety. You protect us!"

What is he talking about? Of course I trust my husband, my King, to protect me and our children. That was never a question for me. My faith on Qing is not wavering on that front.

"Then trust me on this issue," Qing smiled at me, a real one this time. "You are not a burden to me and Yong. Why do you think like that? I love you that's why I married you. I want to raise a family with you and not with some woman who can give birth to a son who will not be questioned."