Diaries :Journey from hatred to love

Kashaf March 30th

Mujhe yakeen nahi ho raha. Zaroon ne kal hadh hi kar di. Waise woh har din apne is hadh ke level ko tod deta hai. Isi baat pe humare beech kal jhagra hogaya.

"Kya Zaroorat thi tumhe  Sahir aur uski family se itna free hone ki?"

Maine dressing table ke samne khade hote huye kaha.

"Ab woh log mujhse toh achi tarah behave kar rahe the toh kya main bura suluk karta unke saath? Har waqt woh mera itna khayal rakh rahe the. Toh itna toh wo deserve karte hai na?"

"Deserve to woh kuch bhi nahi karte. Yeh Sidra ki mangni ne mere liye aur masle khade kar diye hai. "

"Khair itni mushkilo se toh woh maani hai warna tumne toh puri koshish kar li thi use galat decisions lene par majboor karne ki. "

"Main use sahi decision lene ki raah dikha rahi thi magar use toh khai mein girne ka zada shauk hai toh ab age main kya karoon? Waise baat yaha Sidra ki nahi ho rahi thi. Zaroon tumhara unke saath yeh milna milana mujhe bilkul pasand nahi aya hai. Aur to aur tum unhe ghar par ane ka keh aye? Main unhe apne ghar me hargiz nahi bardasht kar sakti agar woh aye to tum yeh yaad rakhna main seedha jaungi abba ke ghar aur phir tum unhe apni family samjh ke apne paas hi rakh lena. Aur abba ke ghar pe yeh muh dikhane ka sochna bhi mat."

Isse pehle woh kuch kehta main waha se use bina koi mauka diye chali gayi.Kuch dair toh woh bhi kuch gusse mein lag raha tha isliye maine aur kuch kaha bhi nahi usse aur seedhe lawn mein ja kar baith ayi. 

Kaafi tiring din tha.Aaj mangni jo thi. Zaroon ke itni koshishon ke baad Sidra akhir maan hi gayi. Khair woh to manna hi tha. Zaroon ke convinvcing power ke toh kya kehne hai. Aur aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki woh is baat par humari ladai na ho. Last week jab woh SIdra ko baat samjhane ki koshish kar raha tha to maine bhi kuch sahi mudde uthaye the aur Sidra toh meri baaton se zada convinced lag rahi thi par over confidence mein main use Sidra ke saath akela chor gayi. Pata nahi un chand palo mein usne Sidra se kya kaha ki usne ekdum se apna decision change kar liya.Aur jab maine usse pucha ki usne usse aisa kya kaha ki uski naa haa mein badal gayi toh usne apni wahi gheesi pheeti line boli.

"Abhi tumhe mera tarah smart hone mein aur maharat haasil karne mein waqt lagega."

 Khair maine realise kiya hai hum befazul bohot ladte hai. Par woh harkatein hi aisi karta hai.

Lawn me baithe mujhe todhi dair huyi thi ki as usual woh humare beech ke jhagre ko suljhane agaya. 

"Kashaf."
Usne halke se kaha.

"Tumhe Kuch chahiye?"

Maine usse pucha.

"Nahi kuch chahiye toh nahi bas shayad tumhara todha waqt zaya karunga. Agar ijazat ho toh?"

"Baitho."

"Kashaf mera tumhe koi hurt karne ka irada nahi tha ya main jaan bujh kar unke saath itna casual behave nahi kar raha tha. Woh mujhse achi tarah pesh arahe the, bar bar mujhe puch rahe the toh main kya karta? Manta hoon Sahir tumse shaadi karna chahta tha par ab dekho humari shaadi ho chuki hai aur uski bhi ab in cheezon ko hume peeche chor dena chahiye akhir hai toh woh tumhara cousin hi na? Family hai humlog."

"Woh humari family nahi hai Zaroon."

"Yeh kehne se sach badal toh nahi jayega na."

"Family kya hoti hai Zaroon? Wo log na jo duniya mein apse sabse zyada mohabbat karte ho aur apko tahfuz aur apna pan ka ehasas dein. Family toh hume judge nahi karti woh toh humesha yeh chahti hai na ki hum zindagi mein kuch acha karein? "

Usne sar ko hilaya.

"Agar family ke yeh saare definitions hai tab toh woh inme se koi bhi definitions mein fit nahi baithte. Sirf khoon ka rishta hona important nahi hai. Kayi baar dusre log in cheezon pe zada khade utarte hai. Tumse behtar yeh kaun janta hai? Osama aur Asmara woh toh tumhare koi apne nahi hai par apno se zyada chahte hai woh tumhe. Yeh meri so called family ne zindagi bhar hume ehasas e kamtari ka shikaar banaya hai. Bachhpan se humne dekha hai kaise har achi cheez se hume in logon ne mehroom karne ki koshish ki hai kyu ki hum betiyaan hai. Aur inka lalch woh toh kabhi kam nahi hoga. Yeh rishta isliye nibha rahe hai kyun ki humare pas paisa hai tumhare pas paisa hai. Koi lagav nahi hai inhe tumse,yeh galatfaimi me mutala mat hona. Ye jo tumhare age peeche yeh ghum rahe hai na woh sirf islye ki woh dekhna chahte hai ki tumhari khamiyaan kya hai, humari life kaisi chal rahi hai woh isliye janna chahte hai taki unhe humari kamzooriyon ka pata chale taki woh hume apni baaton se neecha dikha sake aur exploit kar sake.Isliye main tumhe inse door rehne ko keh rahi hoon. Halaki tumhari isme koi galati nahi hai. Mujhe tumhe yeh sab pehle samjha dena chahiye tha."

"Kashaf yeh saari baatein tumhe mujhse discuss karni chahiye thi. Tum yeh saari baatein apne dil mein le kar toh nahi baith sakti. Tum sahi kehti ho family aisi toh nahi hoti. Main ainda etihad karoonga. Aur Kashaf tum mujhe sabse zada aziz ho, yeh sab abba ke ghar jane ki kya dhamkiyaan de rahi thi tum mujhe?"

"Haan toh tumhe kuch toh aisa kehna tha na mujhe jisse ki tum line pe ajao."

"Acha toh agar main line pe nahi ata toh kya tum sach much chali jati?"

"Main? Pagal ho kya? Tumhe nikal deti. Jis Pagal khane se main itni mushkilo se bahar nikli hoon wahi ja basti. Sawal hi nahi paida hota."

"Toh tum mujhe nikal deti?"

Usne kuch shocked ho kar pucha.

"Aur nahi toh kya"

Maine haste huye uska jawab diya.

"Waise sahi hai bata diya tumne ab mujhe aisi kisi jagah ka intezaam kar rakhna chahiye jaha main is zyatti ke baad ja sakun."

Usne haste huye mera haath pakda aur ander chalne ka ishara kiya.