The Only Reason

one

I looked to my right to see Jacob with his mouth slightly open, snoring loudly. Why did I have to like him?

I giggled before sitting up, grabbing my pillow, and hitting him in the face. He shot up.

“What the hell Em!” He laughed.

“Oops. Muscle spasm.” I shrugged, before getting up off the bed. I tried to break for the door but he got up and grabbed me by the waist swinging me around and back onto the bed before hovering over me. I was laughing hysterically as he stayed above me, smiling. “I love seeing you like this.”

I stopped laughing and smiled back. I didn’t like the word love, but it was something Jacob had been saying a lot lately. I was afraid he was going to say it in the way that every girl dreams of hearing. But I had already heard it before, and I had already felt it. I still feel it, but he doesn’t know that.

Jacob leaned down and pecked me on the lips before getting up and walking over to his dresser. He pulled out his jeans and stepped into them. I got up walked over to the chair and put on my dark gray sweatpants I had taken off the night before.

“You know, you might as well just live here.” Jacob laughed as he threw on a white v-neck.

“I like living with Chelsea.” I stated, and I did. I wasn’t ready to move in with Jacob yet.

He nodded. “Right.”

“Well I gotta go back before she wakes up.” I said. I then grabbed my purse from beside the bed and headed out to the front door.

“Em wait.” Jacob called after me. “Do—Do you even like me?” He asked, once he caught up to me.

“Of course, Jake.” I answered.

“Do you love me?” He asked, and I swear my heart stopped beating. I began to feel sick.

“Jake, I’ve slept with you, c’mon.”

“That doesn’t mean you do… Do you?” He pestered.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I’ve got to go.” I turned the door knob and walked out to my car.

*************

“Do you really think I wouldn’t find out?” Chelsea laughed from the couch.

“Shut up.” I said as I walked into the condo and through my purse onto the floor.

“Damn, someone’s feisty. What happened?”

“He asked if I loved him?”

I saw Chelsea’s eyes go wide. She knew about my previous relationship, if you can even call it that. She knew love was a weird thing for me.

“What’d ya tell him?” She asked me.

“I said I didn’t know.” I shrugged.

She nodded her head slowly. “Do you still love… Harry?”

My mouth automatically smiled at the sound of his name, but I had to fight it off.

“Don’t even have to answer.” Chelsea laughed. She got up and went to the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab the jug of chocolate milk to which she drank… from the jug.

“Seriously Chels? Manners.”

She gulped down more milk before responding, “No mom.”

I rolled my eyes, and then went to my room. I walked in to find that Chelsea had, once again, gone through my closet. My theme was Tiffany Blue, black, and white. My walls were blue, most of my furniture was white, and some accessories were black. My dresser was long instead of tall and it was home to a giant black framed mirror and a few pictures. One of the pictures was the only picture Harry and I had taken together by ourselves. It was my favorite picture. I looked at the once happy girl, my hair fairly light and shorter, my skin a few shades darker. I had on leggings and an oversized tank, with combat boots before they were even in. Harry had on a fitted white t-shirt and black skinny jeans. You could see his tattoos underneath. My favorite was the butterfly. I remember the day he got it, and the reason why, but I had to stop remembering because the tears had already started to form.

“Charlie?” Chelsea called from the doorway, already knowing what had kept me standing in the same spot for so long.

I nodded my head. “You know, you could always change your name.”

“It’s just my middle name. Harry called me Emily half the time anyways.” I responded.

“Yeah. But then you could change your first name too.” She laughed as she came up behind me and put her hand out to lay the picture face down.

My middle name is Charlotte. To be honest, I hate Emily just as much as I hated Charlotte, so to make things better when I had met Harry he started calling me Charlie. Charlotte means free, which is why Harry had gotten the butterfly tattoo because it was also a free-flyer.

“Have you talked to him?” She asked, referring to Harry.

I shook my head. “Not since… not since Rebecca.”

She nodded her head. “I-I saw him today.”

My stomach dropped. I hadn’t seen him in 7 months. “Really?” I asked, trying to hide the hurt in my voice.

“Um… yeah. He asked about you and how you’re doing. He said him and Rebecca split.”

After all these months, I thought I would’ve been happy to know that they had split, but in all honesty, it just hurt more knowing he hadn’t tried to contact me.

When Harry and I met, he was dating Becca but didn’t tell me. We talked and did some things, nothing horrible. But I found out after we had already started that he wasn’t single. That’s why we were no longer friends.

“Oh.” I responded.

“He had a kid with him, Em.” It was then that I felt the tears start to form in my eyes.

“You alright?” She asked me.

I shook my head, “I’m gonna be sick.” I ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet. The nerves had hit me, the one thing I had never wanted to happen did. He was now tied to Rebecca no matter how much he didn’t like her. That was the other thing, he didn’t want to break up with her and hurt her.

“If it makes you feel any better,  he asked if you had the same number. And the kid didn’t look like him.”

“Who’d he look like?” I asked her, maybe it was his cousin or something.

“Becca.” She answered. I rolled my eyes, well there went my hope.