While my beautiful self was getting ready for dinner with Harry I heard the doorbell ring.
DING A LING A LING
As I NAYOOMED down the stairs, a perfect Naruto running stance, I saw a tall hunk of flesh standing outside my door. Next to my mother was Harry as well. His hair was reminiscent of a beautifully crafted bird's nest made of my dog's shedding. His eyes sparkled like one of those worms whose green poop glows in the dark. In his hand he held the most exquisite fidget spinner I had ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon. The stainless steel spun and spun as the light glistened and gleaned and danced off the bright, metallic colors.
"Are you ready to go?" He asked. I tore my eyes away from the fidget spinner long enough to muster a simple, "affirmative."
He went to take my hand, but I had something else in mind. As he reached for me, I tore the fidget spinner from his grasp and fled to his car. My playful streak ended though, as I sat in the food stained passenger seat, the aroma of chipotle meats circulated through the air.
"And away we go! Nayoom!" He gleefully squealed as he nayoomed off into the sunset. I saw the large yellow M sign get clearer in my vision as we neared the McDonald's. We parked the car and he escorted me out of my seat like the perfect misogynistic gentle sir ever, considering he assumed I couldn't open my own door. What a gem! We entered the Golden doors and moved our eyes towards the menu.
"This is too fancy!" I cried.
He swept his arm across the dollar menu and said, "you can have whatever you like, shawdy."
Oh, how this was turning into the perfect night.
As we ordered our sustenance, I couldn't help but allow my eyes to wander to his red tinted lips as they uttered the words, "Lemme get a McPick Two." God that was sexy. I just know that McDonald's will turn me on from now until eternity.
Harry confidently grabbed his chicken nuggs and strode towards an empty table, all eyes on him as he sipped his shamrock shake (fucking disgrace of a milkshake but whatever). I guiltily ate my fast food, feeling bad that he had taken me to such an extravagant place and spent nearly four dollars on me. He looked at me and said, "why don't we play a game?"
"What kind of game?" I queried.
"Trivia, bitch." He stated, shoving multiple French fries into his orifice. He pulled out family feud cards, which he probably stole from some board game at his house in preparation for this date because he was a try hard or some shit. Either that or he was just really fucking weird? Eh.
"I'll go first," I said pulling a card from the deck, "the question is, in what month of a pregnancy does a woman start showing?"
"September" he proudly answered.
"Uh, okay maybe. Let's check the most popular answers." He looked at me with a smug anticipation, as if he knew the answer was right. Who was this guy again? I mean, September?
"That's not on the card, Harry. Sorry, you tried." His shoulders sunk. After a few more rounds and a few more stupid answers that made me question why I was on this date and not at home, we decided it was time for the evening to come to an end. Harry gathered up our trash and threw it away (I almost threw myself away too). I hopped into his passenger seat and the engine rumbled and roared as Harry turned the keys into ignition. Jesus fuck how old was this car? It sounds like a fucking smoker wheezing after running a fucking marathon. I thanked my lucky stars once the death wagon pulled up my street and parked in front of my house. I had had a really great time with Harry. He was sweet and tall and cute, but damn this boy was stupid. I hastily walked up my front walk way, him trailing behind me, when he caught my wrist just before the door. All my thought disappeared as I looked up into his face, green eyes sparkling, chestnut curls dangling from his forehead. I was thinking to myself that I had never felt something like this before, and it seemed as if he had read my thoughts when he said to me, "I love you, bitch."
"You really do?" I said to him, tears threatening to leave my eyes. He nodded and said, "I ain't gon neva stop lovin you, bitch."
