Just This Time

1

I woke up this morning when I felt a slight heat on my cheeks. Oh great the sun. Feeling drowsy I turned to the other side and pulled my covers all the way up to my head.  

Everything was good.

Until I heard a loud knock on my door. I was still drowsy so I just saw a blurry vision of my door opening and a figure walking towards me.

"Wake up. I made you breakfast" The voice said

Pushing my covers down from my head I saw my mom standing in front of me. She was wearing her lazy shirt and shorts with a high ponytail that I always tell her that makes her face huge. 

"It's a Saturday, mom. I'm pretty sure I can sleep and be lazy all day if I want to" I replied sarcastically.  

"But it's already noon, It's not even breakfast anymore. I have a lot of pastry orders for today. Get up before I drag you out." then she walked away. Standing up from my safe spot which is my bed and walking my way to the bathroom to wash my face. I tried to recap what I did last night that made me sleep 5 in the morning.

Wait. Yep. I remember it now.
I was watching Korean drama until I past out. Hey no judge guys. Kdrama is not just a girl thing, men find it enjoyable too. I took a towel and hurriedly went downstairs to get my breakfast a.k.a. lunch and saw leftover barbeque from last night.

"Good enough" I said while squinting my eyes.

I started eating while my mom is preparing her ingredients for her pastry orders. My mom is a homebased baker. She used to work in an office but her passion was baking. We were happy when she quit her job and we supported her passion all the way. Going through divorce 4 years ago and manages to stay strong in raising both me and my sister. It was the least we could do.

"Are you sure about your decision" she asked

"kinda. I mean. I really want a fresh start mom. That school was hell. I tried everything to fit in. Did these and those. You even cried when you saw me laying in the hospital bed overdosed with drugs." I dropped my utensils and clenched my fists "My stupidity made our financial problem even worst. We were on tight budget for a year and you had to borrow money from different people to pay my hospital bills..." I said while looking at her.

She pretended she didn't hear anything and I let out a sigh. I finished my food silently. Thinking I need a smoke before I do something for the day. Grabbing the knob I heard my mom saying something from the kitchen.

"I'll miss you" she smiled sadly.

I let go of the knob and went to my mom to hug her from behind and whispered " I love you, mom. I'll be okay." She knew I was lying but I had to say something to ease her.

Hugging her from behind I realized how petite my mom was. She's around 5'2 and I'm a 5'6 pretty tall for a girl. We don't look a like. I got all my features from my dad. Dirty blonde hair and sea green eyes while she has black hair and brown eyes with olive skin. We were really different but she's the one closest to my heart the most.

What happened to him?

Where is he? Where is my daughter?

I was on the verge of saying goodbye. Not just to myself but to everyone. Everyday was just too hard and too cold. Sometimes I get lost in my mind and imagine myself in a place or in another world where everything was just okay. Everything was the way I wanted to. Sometimes I cry at night, begging and wishing that please I hope my world of imagination will become a reality. Please. Help me.

Those were the last words I remembered telling myself before I injected this liquid substance that used to be a powder, which I call anti life. I didn't want people to know that I'm on my very edge on depression so instead of antidepressant, it's anti life. Funny how people laughed at me like I was joking when I called heroine that. Plot twist. I wasn't joking and now I'm laying on the ground and for the last hour of the day I finally get to close my eyes. It felt good.

Ma'am please stay clam

Get him to the emergency room

I heard different voices of people, at first it was too hard to make out what they were saying. Quite impressed with my mind that it was still working when my whole body was already shut down. I can hear cries and I know who it was. "I'm sorry mom" I tried to tell her while trying to move my lips. Wishing she could here it because I have a feeling this could be my last daylight. The voices started to faint and the little lights started to get more blurry. Before I know it, I started to close my eyes again but it didn't felt good anymore. All I could feel was regret. Then I blacked out.