Love, Andy

Chapter 1

It's said that in the beginning there was nothing. The nothing became something and that something became life as we know it today. But this story isn't about religion. Well, not to a certain extent. We'll get to that though. This story is about me. I know, I know. That sounds really self-centred, but trust me it isn't. I like to think of my self as a single person representing thousands, millions even. Because I know my story is the story of many. To a certain extent it's cliché but I've decided to tell it anyway.

Because in the beginning, of my life anyway, there was little baby me. And no one told me how messed up this world was.

Have you ever had a day when you wake up feeling like the worst possible version of yourself. It's like you wake up and just feel like crap. You know your entire day will be crap. You know every conversation will be crap. That the moment you step out of that bed the only thing you can't wait to do is to get back into it. You don't want to see anyone's face. Yet alone talk to them because you feel like at any point you're just going to punch a wall. Or punch someone's face for that matter.

The point is I have so many of these days that they have just become routine to me.

Somedays you just wake up feeling worthless. You feel like some waste of space. Like no one would care if you woke up or not. Especially not. Like your existence has no purpose and like you're just waking up to go back to sleep.

Some days you wake up feeling pathetic. Because you know deep down that at the end of the day everyone will leave you and that you are always alone. No matter how many times you try to be a part of other people's lives, nothing changes. They tolerate you for a while but even that ends. They get bored of you, then your presence begins to annoy them. They'll always try to slip out of your life without you realising. You'll go from talking everyday to talking once a week, month, second month and before you know it... silence.

The weird part is how they think you won't realise. How they think it won't hurt you. But of course you realise and of course it hurts because there's no way that you won't realise that the only person keeping you going at that exact moment just walked out the door. Your last hope, walking out on you like everything that you have ever shared is nothing. And this makes you feel even more worthless because in the end you realise something.

That something is that somedays you wake up and you wish you never woke up at all. In fact you wish you could sleep for a really long time so that you could avoid the struggle of waking up. You wish you could sleep for so long that your dreams become your reality. You wish you could sleep forever and never wake up again. So much so that the sleep becomees and endless void. And since we all know that type of sleep doesn't exist, we go for the next best thing, death. That's what this story is about. The story of me, Andy, and how I wrote my letter to Death and signed it, love Andy.