Do you know what it's like to barely have any friends that are there for you?
If not, good. Keep it that way.
I know what it's like and it hurts like hell. I used to have a drama-free life because I was always quiet and I stayed away from guys and 'drama queens'. Then, one day that magically changed and now I have quite a bit of drama in my life.
My drama starts off as something small but then grows and grows until I can't take it anymore.
Many people think that I'm really strong, emotionally, but in all honesty that's not true. I've had to deal with a lot in just the past few weeks. I seem happy because I keep a smile on my face, but I'm usually not very happy...ever.
I know that my life isn't as bad as it could be though; it could be a lot worse. But sometimes I find myself wondering how all this could be my life. Before about 2 years ago; I had never even had a boyfriend because I was too quiet and shy. Just a week ago I got asked out by this guy that I'd liked pretty much the entire year, then something happened and he had to break up with me even though he didn't want to. Now he says he's sad about it and I feel like he's pushing me away.
I keep thinking that maybe one day soon he'll text me and tell me that he made a mistake by breaking up with me, but I know that that's not going to happen because he won't text me period. I miss talking to him, but I feel like if i text him first I'll just annoy him or worse, he'll ignore me.
Right now that doesn't matter though because for right now I am in a happy relationship. That is, until he decides that I'm not enough for him anymore.
I feel like everyone has given up on me and that no one is really here for me anymore and I just want back my old, non-dramatic life. I miss the times when I had a smile on my face all the time and I was really happy. Now that smile is just a cover so people don't ask me what's wrong...
Do you know what it's like to have no one understand you?
Boy do I know what that's like.
I have been called so many names recently that I have had to learn to ignore it. I've been called all of the following and many more: emo, bitch, faggot, loser,whore, slut. I've also been told that I need to kill myself and many other things.
I may not have very many friends or anyone that understands me, but what keeps me going is music. I love bands like Black Veil Brides and Blood On The Dance Floor; they make me remember that things get better later on and they help me through the day.
Those are the only people that I need to understand me; my favorite bands. They might not know I exist, but they still help me through a lot. No mattter what has happened during the day, I always know that when I get home I can listen to my favorite bands and everything will be okay.
Do you know what it's like to have no one to talk to?
My answer is yes because there have been times when all I would need is a few words from a friend and I realized that I can't talk about it to the few people that do care.
I've had days where I would sit at home after school and cry because I had no one to talk to about a few specific things. I usually have no one to talk to about anything because they're busy or don't care or they just don't exist. I have 2 friends that really care about me but one has just stopped talking to me as much and started acting like she doesn't really care as much. I also have my brother because he's pretty much my best friend, but somme things I'm too scared to talk to him aabout or I feel like he won't really care. He's the only one of my siblings that I'm close to at all, but I know he cares about me.
Do you know what it's like to have to hide your pain everyday?
Yes, I do.
People look at me as the girl who is always happy. They only think this because I don't usually show my weaknesses. Every time that I see my ex or someone says his name, I still want to break down and cry but I don't because I don't want to seem weak. I act like him not talking to me doesn't bother me, but it truly does. It hurts me; a lot. I know he might not even care anymore and that he probably didn't text me because it hurt him, but in all honesty, it hurt me more when he didn't talk to me.
I miss when I could walk over to him in class, still with my little crush, and talk to him like it was nothing. Now when I talk to him it's really awkward and I end uo wishing that I hadn't walked over there because I want to cry when I look into his eyes. I act like there's nothing wrong, but in my head I feel like I'm being tortured because I don't know what to say to him and I get nervous and emotional.
Do you know what it's like to not want to talk to anyone?
Yes, sometimes.
Usually I just want someone to talk to about my problems, but occasionally I want to be alone where no one can talk to me.
I go through phases of not wanting to talk to people a lot. I'll get all depressed and convince myself that no one cares about me and I don't talk to anyone. Even when someone asks me what's wrong, I don't answer them. I usually push people away when I have these phases and they last about a week and sometimes just a few days.
