My Junior - How it happend.

Playing in the NHLhas always been my life dream. I remember coming home from the rink or pond everyday with my aching bones and tight muscles. I often asked myslf "Why do I put myself through this everyday?" The dream always stuck close and reminded me why I dedicated my life to hockey. I played many seasons wearing the big 'C' on my jersey. Through peewees, bantam, juniors, and everything inbetween I was told I had something big, I always saw myself as just another player.

I didnt know who I was alone, I still dont. When you wear a jersey, you're representing 20 to 30 other guys, not just yourself. I had never gone through anything as an individual which is why getting drafted by the Avs was so hard for me. Dont get me wrong, I had dreamed of that moment all my life but in that moment you realize your whole life is about to change. Here I was a 17 year old from Nova Scotia being drafted by a proffessional team who played in a city a twenty six hundered miles away from home.

The weeks following the draft were even harder. I had to pack up all my belongings and get on a plane to Denver. I remember my whole family gathered for my departure. I all the sudden didnt want to leave. I kept asking myself if it was worth it. They didnt see the fear, I kept a staight face the whole time but sobbed the whole eight hour flight.

Patrick himself met me at the airport. As soon as I saw him in the luggage claim I turned right around to regroup. I knew I couldnt let him see me as disoriented as I was, I had only met the man once. I remember he took me around the city and to the Pepsi center where I would be spending a great deal of my time. It looked huge, overwhelming.

I moved in with the Avs back up tendy. Its a pretty sureal moment to be living  with someone you watched growing up. Giggy is twice my age. He is more of a father figure to me than a team mate- well at least off the ice. I live in his basement. Not probaby what you would expect an NHL player to live in but for some reason it felt homier than any appartments I looked at. Its like extreme juniors. Yet I kept asking myslef "Will I ever find what I'm looking for?"

I can still visualize my first game. I was waiting in the locker room. I remember Dutchy grabbing my shoulder and saying "Get ready, kid." with a huge grin on his face just before we got the okay to skat out. I think I forgot how to move there for a minute. Giggy made sure to take the spot behind me. I had been practicing with the team for months now but this was the real thing. He tapped the back of my knee with his stick when I stood frozen. It scared me to all hell. I somehow found my feet and walked out the big arena door. I was in awe. Hundereds upon thousands of fans sporting the same logo I was wearing.

The nervousness was shortlived. As soon as the puck dropped, I didnt notice any of the fans, the lights or anything.  I think thats how all hockey players minds work, as soon as that puck taps the ice and the clock starts ticking, you cant remember anything else but how to play the game.

Thats how its been for the last few months. I have gotten used to cameras and press. Its not normal but Im used to it. We have had our share of wins this season. Most the guys go celly at the bar. I just turned 18 and the age to drink here is 21. Though I dont think even if I was of age I would do it anyway. I have worked my whole life to gain what I have now and alcohol will distroy it in a fraction of the time it took to get. I come right home after the games, usually. I play video games or catch up on sleep.

We have a three day break this week and Patrick gave me permission to head home for a couple days. I think he knew how bad I needed as much as I tried to hide it from him. He was here once, for this team as a matter of fact. He understands its hard to live this way and be torn away from everything you know. Coach never let him leave as much as he wanted to, he vowed if he ever became a coach he would not let his players go through that same pain.

I throw some random stuff in my suitcase. I still have a lot at home. I will only be gone two nights. I leave at 2 a.m. after the game tonight. I land at around 10 a.m. I finally understand what they mean by "sacrifice for the game".