Broken Glass

Looking in the mirror. Staring as I feel the blood trickling slowly down my arm. Crying, slowly turning into waterfalls streaming down my face. I drop to the floor and stare at the beautiful carving that was now in my arm. At least it was beautiful to me.

Why do I feel like this? why do I feel the need to do this?! I started carving into my other arm as I felt more anger raging inside of me. Now there was blood everywhere. All over my towel, in the sink, all over me most of all. what am I doing to myself? As sobs are leaving my mouth, my brother barges through the once locked bathroom door. "Get out Joey!" I roared at him. "Lori not again, I thought we stopped this?" Joey replied as he came and sat next to me, cradling me in his un wounded arms.

"I'm sorry Joey, I'm so sorry."

"What are you apologizing for? You can't help how you feel. I'm not saying this is the right way of expressing them but, this is definitely not your fault."

We sat there as minutes slowly passed by. He finally looked at me with warm eyes, letting me know it was ok to keep crying as long as I needed. And I gave him the 'I'm okay' look.

"Let's get you cleaned up LoLo" he said with a warm grin.

He sat me on the sink and grabbed some peroxide and bandages and started to clean my wounds. I liked the way the peroxide bubbled like acid on my arm. It made me giggle a little. "Huh, I like it too" he said as if he knew exactly what I was thinking about.

~~~

Me and Joey sat in our small living room, inside our small New York 2 bedroom apartment, and watched the last few episodes of Scandal we missed.

Joey thought Olivia was the hottest thing on the planet. I mean, talk about obsessed!

Anyway, we sat in our giant beanbag chairs and just had the biggest junk food fest anyone could ever imagine. It may have been a tiny apartment for us, but we sure made it ours. There were Cheetos, Oreos, brownies, coca cola, and we ordered french fries from the little deli across the street. It was Amaze-balls!

I swear. I have no clue what I would do without Joey. Ever since our parents left us, we've basically been on our own. But he has always made me feel like there is still hope for us, that maybe there is still some of our family left out there. Hopefully most of them aren't 2nd degree murderers like my father.

I hated my father. I know it's a strong word but, if you knew about the things he did you would know where I'm coming from. He killed a little girl. An innocent, 10 year old little girl. Over the stupidest thing... drugs!! Stupid illegal drugs! It was already bad enough that he was doing them, and then to go out and go trigger frenzy because someone didn't give you your "package"? And then killing someone's child? Words can't explain how much that angered me.

But here's what he did after that. After he realized what he had done, he shot himself. Right. In. The chest.

Of course I was devastated. But then I was even more depressed when my mother died of suicide as well 3 months later. After my father died she would not do anything. She wouldn't even get out of bed. Not to use the bathroom, to eat, to do anything. But one day when Joey and I were at school, she took a handful of pills. We found her on the bathroom floor when we got home. Just, gone.

We lived with my Aunt Rebecca after everything was kind of put back together. But then she started using drugs. It was probably stress or depression I guess, but Joey and I couldn't handle all that anymore. We needed a new beginning. We ran away when I was 15 and he was 19. We didn't have much of a plan but I guess Joey did. He saved a butt load of money while we were at auntie Becca's.We got this little apartment which now we still currently live in, and we're surviving. I'm now 22 and Joey 26, we have full time jobs and couldn't ask for more.