Little Secret

*Two*

I climb out of my car, grabbing my bag from the passengers seat. I lock the door and begin to walk to the building. I chewed my fingernails slightly as I walked. A familiar car pulled up beside me as I walked, making me stop.

"Hey hottie, how much for a quickie?" Jorel said with a smirk. I laugh softly, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"Fuck off Jay." I spat teasingly. Jorel parked his car and got out to walk beside me to the building.

"Excited for rehearsal?" Jorel asked, putting his hands in his pockets. I shrug slightly.

"Yeah, it should be fun." I mutter. Truth is, I was terrified. After a few hours of singing and dancing and all that jazz, it gets hot, and when it gets hot, I get sweaty, so my binder gets super uncomfortable. It was cheaply made and it was suppose to be for only a few weeks until I got a new one, but I ended up keeping it for a few months.

Jorel and I got to the doors, Jorel holding the door like the gentlemen he is. I thanked him as I walked in, walking to our studio. I knew the directions by heart, as I did give them a lot.

Walk in the doors, take a right, go straight now the hallway, then take the second left. After that, go down to the last room and see a door that says Hollywood Undead in red on the door.

I walk in, tossing my bag down. Matthew was setting up his drums and Johnny was tuning Charlie's guitar for him while Charlie ate.

"Hey Danny! Hey Jay!" Charlie greeted happily. I waved as Jorel greeted excitedly, hugging Charlie and kissing all over his face. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous.

"Dude! That's gay!" Charlie squirmed, trying to get away from Jorel. Charlie is pansexual, but that doesn't stop him from making gay jokes and being a dick to Matthew about his sexuality. Matthew is obviously gay, although sometimes he denies it. Jorel is bisexual, but is only attracted a certain type of guy and likes almost all women. Johnny is confused about his sexuality, but that's what his friends are for. And then there's Dylan. He's as gay as a rainbow! He attempted to convince himself that he's straight, but after a few drunken nights with dudes, he finally just accepted it.

"Guys, are we gonna play or are we gonna sit around like a bunch of damn pussies?" Johnny spat. It was the morning, which was not a good time to piss Johnny off.

"Let's play! What song?" Charlie looked at me with a small smile.

"Oh, um, Bullet?" I shrug slightly, not knowing what to say.

"Well, aren't you in a cheerful mood this morning." Jorel teased, taking a seat on his amp.

I grab a mic, taking a seat next to Jorel. We started the song, sounding cheery and happy, then the lyrics came. My voice cracked a few times due to the fact it was still early in the morning and I had a scratchy throat.

Many songs later, we were all tired. Charlie suggested a break, everyone quickly agreed. Johnny was cheerier now, waking up was just what he needed.

"I'm going to the bathroom. I gotta piss." I said, setting my beer down.

"I'll come with." Matt said. I gulped softly, forcing a smile. We walked to the restrooms, going to the men's. I go to the one of the stalls, Matt giving me a confused look. I ignored him and quickly did my thing, along with tightening my binder.

"You coming Danny? You pee like a girl! You take forever!" Matt groaned. I giggle softly as I walk out.

"Shut up you bitch." I said, as we walked out of the restroom.

"What took you guys so long? Just piss and go." Charlie chuckled softly at his little comment. We sat down, ignoring the question.

"What were y'all talking about?" Matt asked, grabbing his beer off the table.

"What makes us uncomfortable. Johnny said lap dances. Dylan said his cousin. And I said Matthew." I laughed at the last one.

"It's your turn." Dylan said, nodding towards Jorel. He sighed, thinking for a moment.

"I guess...transgenders? They make me kind of uncomfortable." Jorel said, scratching the back of his neck.

That physically hurt me. I felt like bawling in front of everyone. Telling them was defiantly out of the question now. I know I can't keep a secret forever, but I can try. I don't want Jorel to hate me, I love him...

After rehearsal, I immediately went home. The guys went out to a bar, inviting me, but I declined. I didn't want to get drunk and stare at guys, I just wanted to lock myself in a room and cry myself to sleep.

Home is my safe place. Home is where I can wear just my binder and my boxers without anyone questioning me. I wanted to be in my safe place, alone with my puppy Louie.

I got home, shutting the door quickly and immediately letting it all out. Tears went down my face and I slid to the floor, bawling in my hands. I felt empty.

Louie ran over to me and licked my arm, barking softly. I sniffle, wiping away my tears.

"H-Hey buddy." I smile sadly, scratching behind his ear. He ran off again, probably going on the couch. I get up and go to my room. I change out of my clothes, changing into my comfortable Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pajamas that Dylan had gotten me for Christmas.

I lay down on my bed and grab my phone. I decide to call my brother, Rigo. I hope I'm not bothering him, or interrupting something.

"Hey bro, what's up?" He asked, answering on the second ring.

"I have a problem." I sigh softly.

"What is it? Is it about your crush again?" Rigo laughed softly. I blush.

"Yes. Jorel said today that transgendered people make him uncomfortable and I..." I started to cry softly in the middle of it

"Hey, calm down. Look, maybe you should just tell them. If they are your real friends they won't leave you." Rigo had a point. We talked for a few more minutes, talking about how I should tell them.

So then it was decided. I was going to tell my whole band, my best friends, my crush that I am a trans male.