Substitute Bride

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Lying Hurts

 For the past three days I have been pretending to be my identical twin sister Anna. I've stayed close to Ivan and rarely did I ever leave his side.

He needed someone to take care of him and I was the only option.

Anna has been missing ever since she left. I tried calling her several times leaving voice messages, but she never replied. She just disappeared.

Ivan hasn't noticed that I'm Eliza, but then again, how can he? He's blind.

Most of the time when I visit him at the hospital, I try and avoid any touching or contact with him. I feel like somehow he will find something wrong about me and figure out I'm not Anna.

It makes me worried.

Every time he tries to grab my hands I pull back and distract myself. He looks hurt whenever I do and it kills me inside.

I mean I'm trying my best, I really am. I love him so much that I would do anything for him, but it's hard for me to lie.

But what can I do? I cant stop now, it's too late to turn back. I have to keep this act going. I have to support Ivan no matter what. I promised myself that. Even if I do tell him the truth I just know he's going to get mad. He's going to get angry at me for lying, then he's going to search for Anna and then what? Tell him that his fiancee left him because she could't handle him being blind? 

No! He must never know. Lying to him is the only thing that's keeping him hopeful.

"Anna?" called Ivan. 

I looked up from the chair and saw him sitting down on the bed with his back pressed against the frame.

"Yes?" I replied while moving myself over to him.

He felt the air until he his hand was on mine. I nervously tried to pull back but he wouldn't let go. He had a firm grip on my hand, pressing his lips against them.

I held my breath.

It felt amazing, the little kisses caused my fingers to tingle. He then moved my hand over to his face, pushing them to his cheeks.

"Come here." he said to me. He patted the empty spot next to him on the bed. 

I didn't move. 

When he noticed that I wasn't coming, he pulled my hand harder causing me to topple over him. I noticed my body was suddenly on top of his, our faces only inches apart. I could feel his breath on my lips and I blushed and moved to the side of the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and I could feel my heartbeat speed up.

I tried to wiggle myself free, but he wrapped his arms around my waist and blocked my freedom. We stayed in this position for a while and when I knew I could't be freed, I rested my head on his shoulders.

This moment that we had reminded me of the past. It reminded me of the time when we were kids and a boy hit me with a basketball, causing me to get a bruise near my eye. I remember Ivan punching the kid really hard in the face making him run home to his mom. Ivan took one look at me and gave me a hug, he carried me home and I cried in his arms. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, that was the day I fell in love with Ivan.

"Anna." Ivan called, I snapped out of the memory and moved my attention back to Ivan.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Anna I'm sorry for making you do this, for making you take care of a person like me." he said this in a rusty voice. I glanced at him and I saw him looking at the wall with empty eyes.

"Ivan what are you talking about, of course I would take care of you, I will always be here for you because... I love you." my voice was trembling. I squeezed his hand as I said it and he interlocked his fingers in mine. For a moment I lost myself, I wanted Ivan to embrace me even more

"I love you too, Anna.."

I snapped back into reality as he said my sister's name. I felt deflated and depressed as he said that. I could feel tears roll down my cheeks and dug my face deep into Ivan's chest. He didn't sense my crying and he began to wrap his arm around my shoulder for comfort.

"Ivan, I have to ask you something." I suddenly said.

"Anything."

"Are you mad at Eliza?" I didn't know why I asked this question when I already knew the answer to it. It took a while for him to answer and I could feel the tension in his throat as he began to speak.

"I don't know Anna. I know it's not her fault, but I can't help but feel resentment towards her. I just... can't get the feeling that in my mind, I'm blind because of her." Ivan cried and I cried watching him.

When he said that, I wanted to stick a knife in my heart. Hearing those words felt like I was hit in the heart by one hundred bullets.

It hurts.

I didn't say anymore after that. I felt that if I asked anymore questions, I would just keep getting hurt.

I stayed in Ivan's arms for a while longer and waiting for him to fall asleep. When he did, I left.

As I was walking down the hallway of the hospital I was stopped by the same doctor I met a couple days ago with Anna. He motioned me into his office and I followed. I plopped into a seat and waited.

The doctor took his time as he shuffled around papers and folders. He handed me some papers to sign and I grabbed them out of his hands.

" Ivan should be released tomorrow." he said as I scanned the documents.

I nodded and signed them, casually looking at the doctor from time to time. He sensed my glances and stared back at me with a dull look.

I gained the courage and asked him a question.

"Can Ivan ever see again?" 

I waited for his response. 

He pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat before replying.

" Yes, there is a possibility, but it's a slim chance. Ivan will be able to get his sight back if someone donates their cornea. You see, Ivan's cornea is damaged and he needs a replacement."

"I'll do it! I will donate my eyes to Ivan." I didn't hesitate to say those words. They rushed out of my mouth and a glimmer of hope flashed in my eyes.

"You can't, no living donors accepted." as the doctor told me this I put my head down. I left his office and slowly walked out of the hospital. I started walking home, not bothering for a cab. I walked down the street and stopped at a cross light.

I watched as cars sped past  me.

'No living donors accepted'

These words haunted me as I hazily watched the street. 

Suddenly on impusle, I started to cross the street, ignoring the fact the crossing light was still red. Each step I took I knew I was closer to death, but I didn't care. 

I didn't give a fuck.

I crossed the road and looked as cars drove past me, only inches away. Some honked their horns and others rolled down their windows and called me crazy.

But I didn't listen to them. 

I took my time and I just kept walking. My mind was foggy and my body was numb. I walked and walked until suddenly my hand was grabbed by a stranger who pulled me back to the side walk.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" yelled the stranger.

I sat on the floor, and screamed in anger.

"YES! I'M TRYING TO KILL MYSELF!" when I said those words I broke down crying into sobs.

I cried and cried thinking about Ivan, thinking about Anna and thinking about myself.

I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.