Conspiracies

10. Telling the truth.

Everything had vanished around me except the television. I was staring at the screen in a whirlwind of anger, fear, and desolation. Brita's reddish hair gleamed from the hundreds of flashes and police lights. She showed a serious face, she did not appear to be worried, scared, and less than a simple hint of shame. The police officers put her in the car and the camera refocused on the blonde presenter with an altered voice and a few papers in her hand. I didn't hear anything, I saw how her lips moved, but I didn't listen to her.

The blood was rushing through my body, and my heart was beating frantically in my chest. I couldn't react. I had no words to explain what I was seeing. Spills of bitterness, disappointment, and fear took over my body slowly but inexorably, and I still couldn't blink. The screen went blank, and the room fell back into place. I kept staring at the black screen that was giving off heat. I noticed the eyes of the others fixed on me, waiting for me to say something or simply to react.

They didn't understand, they didn't know what he was feeling right now. I noticed that the tears were going to bloom, but I denied them by blinking rapidly. I closed my mouth and looked at the cold ground. I heard their breathing, calm but distant. 

Nobody said anything. We just stayed quiet for a long time. I felt myself regain control of my lips.

"I want to see her," I finally said, without taking my eyes off the ground.

"Who, ma'am?" asked the good doctor Ben, intrigued, with that wonderful voice that could calm you down in an earthquake.

"Brita." I looked at him, and our eyes met. I could see his surprise in the depth of his gaze. 

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't think this is going to be possible."

"Well, I think it is going to be, Ben. Because you are going to make it possible, whatever it takes." I wanted to see Brita's face and for her to explain to me why she had done it, why she had tried to end the lives of my family and mine because she had broken that bond of friendship and trust that we had, that we thought was so special, infinite, unbreakable. I wanted to see the truth in her eyes.

I turned so that Ben would stop looking at me with that stunned expression. His smile had gotten smaller, but it hadn't disappeared. I felt weak, exposed to something that could destroy me at any moment, but without really knowing what it was that had caused the fear to be born in my heart and dominate my body with such fury that I was unable to close my eyes. 

"I'll see what I can do." Dr. Ben concluded.

I kept my back to him, wishing he'd just go away and leave me alone. I heard Ben and his companions leave the room making an obnoxious noise with their rubber shoes and concluded the visit with a slight slam. I had my back to Jens and Agnes. 

I could feel their gazes fixed on my back, analyzing me, trying to find some comforting phrase. But there wasn't. 

"We can ask for another room until you feel better," said Agnes's sweet voice, in which you could see a hint of guilt.

 I turned and saw them. Agnes hugged Jens with a protective air, their eyes transmitting sadness and gloom. It wasn't his fault.

"I'm going for a walk around here, and I'll be back in a bit. Don't worry" I sounded cold and a little distant. I tried to mask it with a smile.

The two nodded and lay down on the tables. I went to a phone to call and be let out. I waited for several rings until a thick-voiced nurse answered me and gave me permission. A few minutes later, a guard appeared and opened the door. I went out, and he looked at me with a sad face