Chapter 1:
*BANG*
*BANG BANG*
there was a huge bang that went off outside my house. "It's 3:04 am, c'mon people! You can't do fireworks at another time? I have finals tomorrow!" I said to myself as I lay back down to bed. It was 3:14 and I heard sirens. Loud ones. I looked outside my window and there were 3 ambulances, 1 firetruck, and 2 cop cars. I saw a body laying there but I wasn't sure who it was. I looked closely. The lights were too bright. I put my jacket on and my bunny slippers and ran downstairs, opened the door, and saw Matt's parents standing there. His mom in tears. I ran over to comfort her, my chest was pounding.
"MATT. MATT OH MY GOSH MATT NO NO NO NO" I screamed, looking his mother in the eyes, then back at him. He looked so cold. In a pile of his blood... I started to walk over
"JULIA NO--" his mother yelled and grabbed onto my arm. Pulling me in with his brothers, sister and dad.
"This isn't fair! It should have been me!!!"
Chapter 2:
It's been and endless week of crying, no sleep, and suicidal thoughts running though my head. I can't believe this. I can't even go see him in the hospital yet. Why wasn't it me. My sunshine... He's being taken away from me. It's all my fault :'(
Chapter 3:
Hi. My name is Julia Brady. I live in a small town called Marmots, in Texas. There's not a lot of people here. But you certainly can't go far without someone stealing your purse. Being a small town girl was always fun I thought :) I've known Matthew since I was born! Our moms were always best friends, and we happened to live right next to each other :) we're 16, and life is hard. I lost my mom 2 years ago in a car accident due to drunk driving. I'll never forgive her. Matthews family was always there for me through pain and joy. Especially Matthew. We're so close our parents didn't even mind if we spent the night at each others house anymore. We did everything together. Went to the mall, ice skating, I went to his basketball games and he came to my swim meets. There's not a lot of people out there you can trust. But when you can sit down with someone, and cry in there arms, that's trust. That's something you can't break. Now, I'm losing Matthew.
Matthew was shot on August 12, at 3:03 am. What kind of sick bastard could do that. Matthews been in the hospital for a week being treated but they won't let me go see him yet. He's strong. He'll get over this. He'll be out soon. I know he will.
Chapter 4:
August 25, 2013:
I was woken up this morning by a creek at my door. I closed it before I went to bed. Why was it open? I was so scared, I tried calling Matt. I called and called and called. No answer. I got a call back from Mrs. Espinosa.
"Hello?"
"Jewls?"
"What's wrong..."
"Matt..."
"What about him"
"*matts mom sobs*"
"NO!!! NO NO NO NO 😭"
I hung up and threw my phone at the wall. I was so mad at myself. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
"How am I gonna live? Why? Why is he gone?"
"Jewwwls" I heard as a breath go past my cheek
"Matt? Is that you?"
"Sshh don't cryy" it was a breathless sigh. The door shut, and I cried myself to sleep.
Chapter 5:
That Sunday at Matts funeral was so damn hard. Seeing my best friend lay there in his coffin, lifeless. His skin was so pale... I studied him. His lips.. So flakey and I could tell they were sewed shut. His eyes... They weren't there. Just the lids. I had enough. I stood up off the alter, and kissed his forehead. I walking off into someone. "Sorry" I said wiping tear off my cheeks. "You don't have to pretend to be strong around me" it was Cameron. I couldn't help it but cry and he held me tight. It felt so right... But so wrong. Matt used to hold me like this. I cried even harder. "Let's go for a walk beautiful :)" Cameron said with a smirk on his face, and took my hand. I needed some fresh air.
Chapter 6:
Cameron Dallas. 5'9, brown hair & brown eyes. Mm-mmmm. He was good looking. I didn't know he knew I existed... He was close with Matt. But I never hung out with him while he was with Matt. It seemed rude.
Cam walked me to a cute little fountain. It started raining. I started crying. Cam kissed my head and played with my hair. "A million rain drops, upon your face" he sung to me, wiping the tears away. I've never felt so secure... I've never felt so lonely. I've never felt... Like this before.
Chapter 7:
Me and cam have really been close lately. I think matts death brought us closer... This is so hard still. So unnatural. Idk what to do anymore. What the hell. Why am I so... Miserable 😭😭😭 cam and I occasionally visited matts grave :) it was nice. We brought him flowers, and we sat there and had lunch and just talked. I feel better around him!
Chapter 8:
*ding*
Cam: "hey, wanna go grab a bite?"
Me: "sure, be ready in 20"
Cam: "be there soon"
I ripped through my closet, curled my hair, put some mascara on, and grabbed my wallet.
Cam: "here!"
I ran outside and jumped in the car. He was 18, so he can drive. It was nice :) he brought me to this beautiful ranch. There were horses, cows, cats, dogs, chickens, goats, all the farm animals you could imagine! I loved stuff like this!! How did he know? We road the horses, milked the cows, shaved the sheep, played with the piggies... It was perfect. We had lunch. His aunt made it. Lasagna and meatballs. Matts favorite... I keep relating everything back to Matt. Why. Ugh, I hate this.
Chapter 9:
Another night of endless sleep. Another day of crying nonstop. It was the first time I ever self harmed. I couldn't take it anymore. *slit* *slit* *this is your fault* *slit* the pain felt so good. The blood oozing down my arm. It was beautiful. "Just-one more" I said cutting deep. The next day cam wanted to go to the beach. I said okay, why not?
"C'mon jewls you've tanned long enough!!"
he picked me up and threw me in the water.
"SHIT"
my cuts hurt so bad. They stung.
"What?! Let me see! What happened?!"
I didn't want him to see. Oh my gosh no.
"JULIA!! Why did you do this?"
So I explained to him how I felt so... Alone. He was sweet and understanding. He told me that he was trying to comfort me and make me feel special again. Tried to comfort me like Matt did. He knew he could never be Matt, but I told him he was a close second. I could see his eyes water up. I said "you don't have to be so strong around me" he smiled. we leaned in, and our lips locked. It was magical... So magical.
Chapter 10:
Walking to the car, cam sat me down on the sidewalk. He took my wrists. Flipped them over, and kissed my scars.
"You must think I'm disgusting. I'm a living monster. I'm sorry..."
"Don't be."
"Huh?"
I didn't quiet understand..
"Why are you choosing me? I don't understand. How is this working? I cut myself. I'm so ugly and fat and you could have any girl in the world but you chose me?! Why Cameron? I'm not worth---"
He kissed me passionately, and flipped his arms.
"We can be monsters together :)"
Cam had scars too?! I never would have guessed!! Riding home in the jeep was perfect. Holding my hand, the wind blowing our hair. Where we're going, nobody knows ✋ his car smelt like chocolate 🍫
