Firecracker

Chapter 19

It's been 3 days since my heart was mercilessly ripped to shreds by the only guy I've ever truly had feelings for. Some would call my state of mind the bitter part of a break up. Did we even break up? I spent the last three days in bed, wallowing in self pity while binge watching Netflix and gorging on ice cream. Occassionally dad and Bella would come and try revive me from my dead like state but they knew I wasn't in any mood to talk and they knew it was something to do with Rye. I miss him. I don't want to admit it but I do. I miss his hugs, I miss his laughter, I miss his kisses, God his kisses were amazing, hell I even miss Brooklyn at this stage. When I threw my phone across the room in anger the other night I hadn't even bothered to assess the damage; a cracked screen and a lifeless phone. Since I havent left my room in three days, it has not yet been replaced. I suppose it's a good thing, I can't see anymore hate or anymore pics of Rye and her. Bella and my dad seem to be very worried about me. I don't blame them, I would be too, I've hardly eaten anything other then cookie dough Ben and Jerries, I've shut them out and this whole scenario has made me realise how little friends I have here in England. I've never truly felt this lonely in all my 18 years of living.
It was currently 1am , no surprise that I was awake, did I forget to mention that I think I'm nocturnal? I haven't slept more that 4 hours a night since I saw my boyfriend locking lips with another girl. I grew sick and tired of being in bed, staring at the ceiling so I got up, threw on an old hoodie and climbed out my bedroom window. It was pitch black out, not a sound to be heard as I strolled to the park, my cold hands found solace in the fleecy pockets of my hoodie, my hair was loose down my back, curls formed at the ends as I was too lazy to dry it from my previous shower. I arrived at the park and threw myself onto the swing. I thought of everything going on in my life right now, I thought of my mother and how she was probably enjoying life a lot more since i was out of her hair. I thought of how much of a nuisance I probably was to dad, I thought of how I was never good enough for rye, I didn't even let him explain himself, I'm such a train wreck of a person. I felt tears trickle down my checks but I just let them, I'm so fed up and things not going right for me.

~Rye's P.O.V~
Broken. Is how I feel. I feel disappointed with myself for not going after her, for not demanding to explain myself. I hurt her and it's killing me inside. I love her so much, we've been through so much together and no words can actually explain how I feel right now. The boys and I are doing a lively, it's late and I feel like crap. My hair is a mess and I have bags under my eyes. The rest of the boys know how broken I am but choose not to bring it up after I snapped at Brooklyn the last time he tried. I haven't heard from Skylar since it happened. I've called and texted, Dmed her on every social media she has. The fans have noticed my lack of happiness and have started asking questions but I'm pretty sure they know what's up. Some of them have defended Skylar and others and just hated on her more. The boys ended the lively once fans started asking too many questions that we just couldn't answer. I gazed out the window and the bitter night, my eyes drifted to the little park that help some of the greatest memories but my heart stopped when I saw a girl perched on the swing set. skylar. I got up and rushed to put on my shoes, Mikey was the first to catch on.

"Woah mate where are you off to"

"Get out of my way Mikey I have to go see her" I said, desperation laced in my voice.

"Rye let me talk to her, I'll explain that you didn't cheat, I'll explain everything but if you go down there she isn't go to listen to you, she'll walk away, if it's me then I can actually explain the situation"

In a way I guess it would be best. I threw myself onto the sofa in defeat, I felt my eyes well up but I refused to cry, I could see Andy giving me pitiful looks from the corner of my eye, I hope to God Mikey can get through to her. These last few days have been like hell for me, I can't live without her, I feel like a part of me is missing, what I have with Skylar isn't some cheesy teenage romance, I love her with every ounce in me and I'm breaking apart without her, beating myself up over being the one to have hurt her...