Justin Bieber Dirty Imagines

triggering

so, this is something I wrote awhile ago that really meant a lot to me. Because to me, for it to help me out- it made me think, at least I tried. I tried to put a positive word out there, because in the end; when and if I decide to end my life, I know that I tried.

{ triggering }

one of the things I count as self-harm is talking down to yourself, telling yourself you aren't good enough and that you don't matter and that no one cares, that no one ever has. I constantly tell myself these things because to me, that's what stops me from cutting myself constantly. it's a different form of self harm, although you might think it's better than cutting; it's really not. cutting yourself down is probably one of the worst things you can do, you make yourself feel so small, so little, like you don't even deserve to be alive, and then you wait-- wait for one thing to hurt you. for someone to call you a name, for your mom or dad or caregiver to go off on you, for your friends to leave you, for a person you love (romantically) to just stop giving a shit. and even when they care, even when you know that they do; you tell yourself they don't just so you'll feel even worse. you wait for one thing to happen, one small thing to hurt you in the slightest just so you can leave. not just leave your house, or leave your state, no-- leave the world, earth. you tell yourself that you aren't worth it, you constantly remind yourself that no one will notice all so it makes it easier for you when you kill yourself. but is it ever easy? is leaving people you love behind easy? is writing a note and telling the people in it not to blame themselves easy? no, it's not. it's probably one of the most difficult heartbreaking things in life, it's something that you'll never forgive yourself for, especially if you live. things hurt, life hurts, words hurt, everything hurts but you'll get through it. and if you don't, if you're like me and you feel as if its going to kill you, at least you died trying; at least you somewhat tried to become a healthy, better person, you tried to make yourself feel better so that you think about hurting yourself less, you think about dying less. at least towards the end, you didn't give up completely-- because when you're about to take pills, or put your head in a noose, or slit the delicate skin of your wrists, you still have that small ounce of hope inside of you; that someone will walk in and tell you that they love you, you still hope that suddenly someone will call or text and you'll change your mind thinking and telling yourself that someone cares, at least you never lost hope. because, hope-- and fate, and believing in the unbelievable, is what makes us human. it's what makes you human, it's what makes you wake up in the morning and what helps you sleep at night; it's what makes you feel, anything. it's what makes you happy and also what makes you sad, it's what makes you, well, you. so, even though it's hard, even though you feel like nothing's worth it.. think about hope, ignore the thoughts in your head and listen to the small voice that's saying "I really hope someone saves me" because that's hope trying to save you, that's what will save you. so today if you're alive, reading this, remember that even if the people that are close to you don't seem to care, i... a complete stranger care so much about you, and how you're doing. because you're a person, you're a human being you're so much more than you think you are and I never want you to feel differently. I know life gets hard and it gets overwhelming and it makes you want to end your fragile life, so when you feel like that remember this comment, remember this meaningless paragraph, remember how much I said you mean to me and maybe just maybe, you'll reconsider and start to remember that you're a  beautifully strong human being, and you deserve more than to feel like you are worthless. because you aren't, and you never have been.