letters | ksj ✓

06

"Hyung, the kids are worried."

"They've been too old to call kids for a while."

"Don't change the subject."

"Sorry."

Yoongi sighs. "What happened at dinner, hyung? Did we do something wrong? Did we make you uncomfortable?"

"No, of course not." Jin smiles. "Don't worry."

Yoongi snorts and tells him, "It's weird being on the receiving end of that."

"You're right, it is."

"I let you distract me again, didn't I?"

"No. I think you distracted yourself, actually."

"That's not the point," Yoongi says, but he's chuckling. "We're just all a bit concerned. Jimin asked for seconds and you looked at him like he had feet coming out of his eye sockets and hands growing out of his ears."

Jin sits up and throws a pillow at his friend. "That's horrific, Yoongi."

"That's my specialty. Now please give me an answer."

Jin sighs, but he has no intention of lying. "I was a bit surprised," he explains. "I'm sure you remember Jimin's issues a while back with skipping meals and not eating enough."

"Of course I do."

"Yeah. Yesterday, when he asked for seconds, it was like a green light. I was just really proud of him."

Yoongi's expression softens in understanding. "So.. you weren't upset?"

"Not even close."

"Okay. Good." The younger of the two stands up. "I'm taking Hoseok to the studio to work on his mixtape today and Joon's taking Tae – they're writing a duet or something. Jimin's going to the dance room to choreograph his solo song. Jungkook is staying here."

"Alright." Jin feels like he's the only one not doing anything worthwhile today, even though he knows Jungkook isn't either. "Um – why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because when I don't tell you where everyone is, you text me an hour later asking where we've all gone and nag at me for a good ten minutes for letting you sleep in," Yoongi deadpans.

Jin flushes in defeat; they both know Yoongi's right. "Fine, okay. Have a good day today."

Yoongi smirks. "You too."

He makes sure not to slam the door when he leaves. Jin takes that as a good sign.

Then he sighs. Yoongi is too good to him, and there's only two more letters left to write. Jin isn't having second thoughts – he really, really needs to go — but at the same time, he's starting to feel awful about leaving. His boys don't deserve this.

"Hyung?" Jungkook is standing in the doorway in his pajamas, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Where'd everyone go?"

Jin relays Yoongi's information to him and adds, "Do you need something?"

"Not really." Jungkook hesitates. "I had a weird dream. Can — can I stay in here with you?"

Jungkook hasn't asked to stay with Jin after a nightmare for years, and it makes the latter want to tear up.

"Of course," he says, and expects Jungkook to make his way to Yoongi's bed and go back to sleep, but the maknae bounds over to Jin and cuddles up to his side, clutching him tight.

"Wow," Jin comments, "really bad dream, huh?"

Jungkook looks up at him. "How'd you know?"

Jin thinks of the countless times Jungkook has snuck over to his room, mumbling about a nightmare or missing his parents, asking if he can sleep in Jin's room for the night. He remembers fifteen-year-old Kookie thanking him the next morning and saying that it's much easier to sleep with him than to sleep alone.

But he only smiles, patting Jungkook's head. "I just do."

Jungkook repositions himself so that his head is in Jin's lap.

"It was terrible, hyung," he says quietly, and Jin braces himself for a recount of the dream. "We came home from the studio and you - you were gone."

Jin's heart clenches. He feels uneasy all of a sudden. "What do you mean, gone?" he asks, playing with Jungkook's hair.

"You'd made dinner for us – for six – and you weren't in the dorm. We looked for you, Namjoon-hyung started calling everyone, Hobi-hyung wanted to call the cops, but Tae-hyung found a note."

Jin closes his eyes.

"You said you were tired of having to take care of us, tired of doing all the chores and feeling like a slave and – and none of us ever helping you." Jungkook's lip quivers. "You said you jumped, because you wanted to get away. You said you hated us."

Jin freezes in shock. Jungkook had hit the nail on the head thinking he was going to kill himself, but his reasons were all wrong.

"Kookie," he says when the maknae starts crying. His voice cracks, and it's like his heart does too. "I've told you a million times that I don't mind taking care of you guys. I stay because I like to do it."

Jungkook shakes his head. "But you do so much – "

"I don't mind," Jin repeats firmly. He continues to stroke Jungkook's hair. "I don't mind," he says, more softly, "because I care about all of you and I love you to death."

Jungkook sits up and throws his arms around Jin. He holds him close, crying into his shoulder, and tells him, "We don't deserve you, hyung."

Jin starts crying too. "That's not true."

"We love you."

"I love you too. All of you."

"You don't – you don't hate us?"

Jin tightens his grip on Jungkook. He doesn't know if he should be offended or concerned that the maknae could even think such a thing. "No," he says, swallowing thickly. "I could never hate you."

He hasn't quite decided how he's going to go yet, but now, he's sure of one thing: he's not going to jump.