Not Quite Perfect

How it Begins

  "Kristy, you're going to be late for school!" Mom shouts. I slowly pull on my top and grab my phone. I'm probably going to skip breakfast this morning- I had a huge dinner last night and I feel pretty guilty.
  "Okay, Mom, I'm coming!" I reply, grabbing my backpack and taking the steps two at a time. Mom throws her hand in the air in frustration.
  "And Casey's here! Already! Oh, go on. Get something in the cafeteria," Mom says, opening the door and pushing me out. I smile at her antics and meet Casey outside of my car.
  "Can I drive, Kristy, please?" Casey begs, making little grabbing motions toward my keys. I hold them out of her reach.
  "My car, I drive. Besides, aren't you getting a car next week for your birthday?" I ask, getting into the driver's seat. She slides into the passenger's seat before responding.
  "Yes. I'm just excited. So, want to go to the beach this Saturday at eleven?" Casey asks as she turns on her phone and starts to scroll. The beach. Bikinis. Other people. I can't do that. I'm not really fat, but I have a muffin top stomach bulge sort of stomach and I really hate it. I feel like since I'm not that pretty, being skinny is something that could make my looks better.
  "Beach? Yes or no, please," Casey say impatiently. I snap to reality and laugh.
  "Oh! Sorry, I was thinking. Well, I guess we could. Just you and me?" I ask. I think that since it's Tuesday I might be able to lose some weight before we go...I could wear a tankini, too. That would help.
"Actually, Miles, Addie, and Jake want to come as well," Casey says hesitantly. Jake is Casey's boyfriend. I have a crush on Miles, but I don't think I'm...well, I don't think he'd date me. And Addie is our friend, I don't know if she and Miles have something, but I don't think they do
"Well, I guess that's fine," I say finally, but I'm really nervous about wearing a bathing suit in front of Miles. We arrive at the school and Addie hurries toward us.
"Guys, we have to go swimsuit shopping tonight!" Addie squeals. I sigh and rub my arm anxiously.
"Shopping...don't you already have swimsuits?" Miles asks as he and Jake walk over and stand beside us. I look up at him to find him already looking at me.
"None of them are good enough! So, what do you say, Kristy?" Casey asks in a bubbly voice. I roll my eyes, but I nod in agreement anyway.
  "We have to get to class!" Jake exclaims, looking at his watch. He walks away muttering something about girls.

  "Kristy, come on, before the lunch line gets too long," Addie says, standing up. Casey packs her lunch and the guys already got their food.
  "I'm...not that hungry, actually," I lie, fiddling with my charm bracelet. Casey notices and narrows her eyes at me.
  "No, you are," She says thoughtfully. The guys stop talking and look at me.
  "No, really, I ate a big breakfast!" I defend myself, still playing with my bracelet. Casey looks at me for a moment before shrugging and going back to her sandwich. Jake goes back to eating and Addie goes to the lunch line, but Miles still watches me. I look down at my bracelet and smile. I'm skipping a meal. I'm going to be... hopefully... pretty.

"So, you're a medium, right?" Addie asks, flipping through the swimsuits. Addie is a small and Casey is an extra small in this store. And yet, they're both a hair taller than me.
"Yeah," I mumble sadly. Addie pulls out a purple bikini with pink lace edging. It's a medium.
"Actually, I'll go with a tankini," I say as she pulls out another medium sized bikini.
"Really? Oh, I guess that's...okay," She says finally, reaching for a dark blue tankini that ties at the neck and has pink edging.
"I'll try that on," I say, grabbing it and going into the changing rooms. When I take off my shirt and pants, I stand with my feet together. No thigh gap. No thigh gap, and a stomach. I shudder and hurry to change into the bathing suit. It doesn't reveal much, and it is dark so you can't tell that I have a small chest and chubby tummy. I change back and walk out of the stall. Casey is modeling her bikini to Addie. Her stomach is so flat and she has a thigh gap. Instant jealousy.
"Wow, Casey, you look fabulous!" I exclaim. She laughs.
"Hey, I thought you were trying on your suit!" Casey says, sounding disappointed. I shrug and hold it up.
"I did. I like it," I say simply. Casey and Addie exchange a look, but say nothing. We pay for our suits and stand outside the store. Miles and Jake join us. They had been in some other stores, but I guess they didn't get anything.
"Can we go now?" Jake whines as Casey wraps her arms around his neck.
"Can we all eat first in the cafeteria, baby?" Casey asks with a pouty face. I can't eat lunch. My diet consists of lunch once every three days, breakfast once every four days, and a small dinner every day.
"Sure thing. Where should we eat at? Taco Bell?" Jake asks, looking at Miles.
"Okay, Taco Bell. Any objections?" Miles asks, looking around our group.
"You guys can eat, but my parents are taking us out to dinner for...just because we haven't eaten out in a while," I say, trying to prevent myself from looking guilty. Jake nods and we start walking to the cafeteria. Miles walks beside me.
"Why don't you get a snack? You'll be hungry. You skipped lunch," Miles says, glancing down at my stomach. I cross my arms, lower than I usually position them so I can hide my stomach from him.
"Not really. As I said, big breakfast. And I'm trying to lose weight," I mumble. Miles is silent as we walk to Taco Bell.

"Honey, we're eating lasagne!" Mom calls from the kitchen. I walk in and look at the two lasagnes. Meat and vegetarian. I take a bowl and I take as little vegetarian lasagne as I can without Mom realizing that something is up. I eat a little more than half and then make sure I'm alone before wrapping the rest in a napkin and throwing it in the trash. I go to my room and look up pictures of skinny models for motivation. I'm jealous. I'm overzealous. When I'm down, I get real down...Miles's ringtone starts to play and I pick up the phone, mildly confused.
"Um. Yes?" I ask, sitting on my bed.
"I thought you were going out to eat?" Miles asks. Jeez, interrogate, much?
"Yeah, I'm actually in the bathroom of the restaurant," I lie, fiddling with my blanket. He's silent for a few moments.
"What restaurant?" He asks finally. I laugh.
"What is this, an interrogation? Whoops, I gotta go, Mom and Dad'll be expecting me now. See you tomorrow, bye!" I say quickly before hanging up. This is harder than I thought it would be!