I am reading next to Aliza,when it accursed to me that I don't really want to read but write.I havnt had the time to note things down for the past 10days ,but I feel inspired and motivated to do it now. At Aliza's place I have peace, gone from my daily life with 3sisters,Vee and a dad that always wants things from me. Hear I can consentrate on things that only matter.aliza.Aliza had suicide attempts at the time when I wasn't there for her.I want to make it up to her, by trying to be a better friend.I can't lose another person in my life that means so much to me.
So I decide to scream at her because what ever she decides to do she needs to know what she's leaving behind.
Her family which tries everything they can to prove that they love and care about her. She doesn't know how much they do because she is locked up in her mind thinking that there is nobody who cares. I see the reality if she wants to believe it or not. I realize the things she has in her room, which only her mom could have done for her. In her room she has the things she made for her to love. For example her books, movies,
her pinterest account or her comfortable bed. I believe this room is magical,it takes you away from your daily life, brings you into a world where your thoughts are clear and where you can write in peace. She would be loosing this as well.
What she also doesn't know is how much her mom does for her.The Appartement is full of papers scattered All over the Leavingroom and her moms office/bedroom.This proves that her mom does everything she can to work for a happy life for Aliza.She is working her ass of everyday by cooking, getting groceries,cleaning, doing the taxes, doing the laundry and many more things.And the only thing she said to me is that she thinks her mom doesn't care.
Another thing she would be leaving is her future which she always destroys by thinking a guy will never love and appreciate her, but I have hope that a guy will come along and show so much affection that she will be wandering how the fuck could I ever think of taking my life when I was 14years old.She is going to be successful as well because she has an awesome personality and is one of the most creative people I know.
In her Future I will be there at some point,which means she would be leaving me behind. Her best friend who already lost someone she loved.I would be destroyed and heatrtbroken. We couldn't do the road trip that would change our life's or the talking at 2am nor the crazy things .We couldn't be making the craziest memories at all anymore because in "we" there is no me.
I love you ali.
