I remember it as if it was yesterday.
Late as night as the stars shine so bright.
It was a beautiful night, as though I thought. My brother and I decided to go swimming at night. The stars shined so bright as I feel calmed with no worries. My father took out the trash as we swam in the pool. At this time he thought it would be a good time to do it.
"Hey! Wanna go inside? It's getting really dark."
I was confused because we had only swam for 5 minutes.
"Ok! Can we get snacks before bed?"
"Yes, of course we can."
We walked inside but he grabbed my hand and told me,
"I wanna show you something ok? Don't tell mom and dad."
I was a curious so I went on with it.
He took me Into out parents closet.
"I'm gonna clean you up ok?"
I didn't know what was going on and he was my older brother so I was "ok" with it.
He grabbed me and began to take off my swimsuit. In uncomfortableness I felt him hand glide down my back. He begins.
"Can you stop please?"
"No I'm cleaning you off! If you go I'm gonna lock you in the closet if you don't let me."
I was really scared since he was bigger than me so I went in with it.
"If you won't let me do it to me!"
As he reaches down his pants I yell,
"NO!"
"Then let me do it!"
He begins to be a little aggressive.
I don't know what's going on so I begin to cry.
He covers my mouth.
"Don't cry, it'll be fine."
At this point, I stop crying, it feels as if my soul has left my body. I feel nothing. I am nothing. All there is is silence.
He stops.
"Go take a shower and go to sleep."
I go off to sleep terrified.
I grew up with guys so I thought that it was ok for them to do this growing up. As I grew and grew I realized more and more and it has made me feel that I was nothing. That I had no purpose. I began being depressed. Then I got a very rare "flu" that I could've died from. I was very lucky to have survived. I became very weak and skinny from it. I got bullied for it so.i decided to put on weight. And even then I got bullied for it.I was bullied my whole life so my depression became worse and I cut. It became an addiction. I felt like I was nothing. Nobody. Worthless.
I had the wrong friends. Until I found friends that are by my side no matter what.
Be careful on what you decided letting anyone do to you. It can end up being sexual abuse, rape, anything. Make wise choices.
