I went home and nobody was there, all I can see was just an empty house. I walked towards the altar and lighted a candle, and there is this picture that everytime I looked....all I can say is "sorry, I wish you were here, I love you".
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I
I grew up from a small town where we only have few neighbors. Everyone knew each other. There is a small chapel where everyone gathers every Sunday morning to hear the word of God. A small market where everyone can buy fruits and meat that comes from the other side of the town. A park where every kids play when there is no school and that's where my mother always take me.
My mother is a not so beautiful woman, she has a long black hair that she always tied up like a bun using some bobby pins. She has a brown skin color that always look so dry and her hands that is long with a badly formed nails. I'm the only child but we have 3 cats and a dog that she also referred as her children. She is just a house wife, she cleans the house, wash our clothes, iron the laundry, cook our food and everything. Apart from that she also teaches me when I can't understand my homework. "I'm sorry, I should have helped, but I didn't".
My father is an accountant. He is a good provider, he makes sure that we have food on our table, money to pay our bills and to pay for my school. Money is always present in our house, but not him. He comes home late from work everyday, he spend his weekend with his colleagues...drinking and having fun.
II
"Be thankful that you only do the cleaning, that you don't need to work like me. Shut up and appreciate the money! " That is what my father tells my mother after he comes home drunk and about to go to sleep after being away for almost 2 days with his friends. And she will just continue preparing my lunch and clothes that I will wear for my school. I saw some tear drops falling from her cheeks but quickly wiped them away as she will do the laundry afterwards. I hurriedly ran to the bathroom and shower for 10 minutes, eat my breakfast and leave the house without saying goodbye to her. "I'm sorry, I should have kissed you, but I didn't".
III
Graduation day! After all the hardships that I had with my study, finally everything pave the way. This is the moment that I've been waiting for, I already finished my studies and will face a new chapter of my life and that is working. I saw my mother, seating at the second row at the left side of the stage and she was crying. The moment that I received my certificate and walked down the stage she walked right out of the crowd and hugged me so tight, she is very proud of me, that's what she said but I removed her arms and told her to let go of me, I said it's embarrasing. Even when I was a kid, I hate other people see me being hugged or kissed by her. So she walked a few steps away from me and smiled. " I'm sorry, I should have hugged you instead and never let you go".
IV
I'm currently working as a nurse from one of the biggest hospital in our city. It is an hour drive away from our town so I decided to board an apartment and live there. I don't get to see my parents that often, but I still call and check them once or twice in a couple of months. Besides I'm not so excited to see my father neither my mother. The last time that I talked to her, she kept on asking me to go home because she misses me, and I'm irritated when she cries over the phone. She's all alone in our house because my father rarely comes home after I finished my study. She said that my father still send her money but never came back for almost 7 months now. I always end our conversation by just hanging up because I don't want to listen with anything that she has to say. "I'm sorry, I should have come home, but I didn't".
V
3 years have passed and I didn't noticed that my mother was getting ill. Whenever I get home to visit her she still looked as the same woman that I knew before....thin, her long badly formed nails and her hair that is still in a bun shape. She still clean the house, cook for her food and do the laundry. When I'm around she always make sure that I get to eat all my favorite food and my old room is still clean....nothing has changed except from her skin that is starting to loose, her smile that is not so sweet whenever she greeted me in the morning. I gave her some medicine that she need because she frequently complains about her headache. I asked her to go to the nearest hospital to have it checked but she refused. She said that eveything is just fine as long as she gets to see me often. I told her that my job is very important and there is more opportunity working there than in our town. "I'm sorry, I should have stayed, but I didn't".
VI
Tears are falling from my cheeks as the wind gently blows my hair. I can smell the scent of the candle that I offered on her grave, the light coming from the candle dances as I utter my prayer. She died because of her brain cancer, that's the reason why she always have this tremendous ache coming from her head. A neighbor told me that the time she found out about her ailment, she didn't want me to know it because she doesn't want to bother me anymore. She said that my work is more important from what she feels. Hearing that broke my heart. I was never been a good son to her. I never loved her that way she loved me with all her heart. I never gave her the time when she needed me the most and I never gave her the chance to be part of my life eventhough I was her life.
VII
"Sorry that I'm wasn't there when you need me the most, sorry that I didn't hugged you and kissed you when I had the chance. Sorry that I pushed you away when all you wanted is to be near me and be part of my success. Sorry that you never felt that you are important and you were loved."
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She was like a candle, she shined her most beautiful light even though her world was full of darkness. She tried to keep the light burning even though we always blow her lights out. She was a beautiful candle with full of different colors but we were too blind to see it. Sorry..........
